revkevhamilton

Hey, Don't Rush Me...

2010-10-25T06:33:00.002-05:00

I'm still thinking about when... or if I will start posting again.

Last week I was out of the country with my lovely bride celebrating our 30th anniversary (seven days in Cancun... it does the body good) and I was determined not to spend any of that time on "RevKev's blog."

That was a good decision (I make so many poor decisions, a good one is easy to spot) and really took the "pressure to perform" off of me for over a week.

Therein lies the problem.

Now that I've gotten out of the habit (it's kind of like going to the gym daily... or so I've been told), it may be difficult putting my nose back to the grindstone (a painful endeavor... just ask Pinocchio how much he enjoyed his 'nose job') and writing on a regular basis again.

So...

Please bear with me as I do a little sole searching (now where did I put those loafers?), a little Seoul searching (okay, Meredith Hull Ervin just moved to Korea ... let me get out my Atlas... ), and a little soul searching (heads, I stop... tails, I keep going).

Stay tuned.

"The lot is cast into the lap, But its every decision is from the LORD." - Proverbs 16:33

I'm Taking a Break

2010-10-15T07:46:00.008-05:00

Just within the last week "RevKev's Blog" has picked up a few new followers ('misguided souls' might be more accurate) and I wanted to do something "nice" (I know .. totally against my nature) to reward these newbies for their support and vote of confidence.

So...

I am taking a blogging break.

That's right.

I need it .. and more importantly .. YOU need it.

When I started this labor of love/big fat hairy mess (it is a little of both) back in 2008, I just wanted to learn about blogging.

Everyone (translated: all the losers) seemed to be doing it and I had no pre-conceived ideas or goals (just like in real life) for my little piece of the world wide web.

Much to my surprise, this thing has skyrocketed (37 followers, you know) and become the "buzz" in the greater Humboldt area .. okay, it's a distant third behind Earl Privett's double-jointed antics and rumors that we might be getting yet another BBQ place in town (I think we're up to five or six at this point).

My point is, people do talk about it... when pressured to do so.

However, since the schools are on "Fall Break" ... I'm taking one, as well (Bloggers Gone Wild on Fall Break, Volume I .. coming soon).

If you have trouble quitting "cold turkey (sometimes it is like that with bad habits)," take a look at the archives. There should be plenty of good reading material there (yes, I still have a problem with lying).

Like MacArthur, I shall return... maybe.

"And the king said unto the man of God, Come home with me, and refresh thyself." - I Kings 13:7a

Hair Today ... Gone Tomorrow

2010-10-14T05:48:00.008-05:00

Today (October 14) is Bald and Free Day and although I am not quite there yet, I am fast approaching the requirements necessary for being a card-carrying (or should that be rug-wearing?) member of The Hair Club for Men (look out, Cy Sperling ... I'm not only a member, I want to be the president).

Most men have a fear of going bald.

Not me.

Just think of all the money I'd save over the course of a lifetime on haircuts, hair spray, hair gel, mousse, pomade, shampoo, conditioner, brushes, and combs.

Plus... no bad hair days.

Of course there are all those "jabs" and "jokes."

Like...

What do you call forty rabbits walking backward? A receding hareline.

and...

You're so bald... when you wear a turtleneck you look like a roll-on deodorant.

and...

God was good to you. He gave you a handsome face... and room for another one.

and...

Doctor, doctor, can you give me something for my baldness? Sure. Rub pig manure all over your scalp every morning when you first get out of bed. Will that cure my hair loss? No, but no one will get close enough to notice you're bald.

Just a word of warning to those who persecute the "follicly challenged"...

Watch your back.

"From there Elisha went up to Bethel. As he was walking along the road, some youths came out of the town and jeered at him. 'Go on up, you baldhead!' they said. 'Go on up, you baldhead!' He turned around, looked at them and called down a curse on them in the name of the Lord. Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths."
- II Kings 2:23-24

Kev's Klip of the Week

2010-10-13T05:59:00.004-05:00

I posted today's "Klip of the Week" on my Facebook page more than a week ago, so many of you have already seen this. However, it is certainly worthy a REview!

Thanks to Phil Nelson for finding this gem and sending it my way.

" .. rejoice in the dance, both young men and old together." - Jeremiah 31:31b

Up A Lazy River (Without a Paddle)

2010-10-12T06:45:00.004-05:00

I woke up this morning (actually, that is a little optimistic .. I'm sitting here at the computer in a semi-conscience state) feeling kind of lazy and any attempt on my part to "fake my way" through a blog post would be both obvious (you could tell my heart wasn't in it) and futile (pointless, useless, ineffectual, ineffective, inefficacious, to no effect, of no use, in vain, to no avail, unavailing; unsuccessful, failed, thwarted; unproductive, barren, unprofitable, abortive; impotent, hollow, empty, forlorn, idle, hopeless).

Since I am feeling a little on the lazy side, here are some quotes on that subject:

Tomorrow is the only day in the year that appeals to a lazy man. - Jimmy Lyons

Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired. - Jules Renard

Offer the lazy an egg, and they'll want you to peel it for them. - A Proverb

If you have a difficult task give it to a lazy man, he will find an easier way to do it. - Hlade’s Law

You can't teach people to be lazy - either they have it, or they don't. - Dagwood Bumstead

Of course there are many, many other quotes on laziness.

If you want to see them, you can... look 'em up yourself.

"The sluggard buries his hand in the dish; he is too lazy to bring it back to his mouth." - Proverbs 26:15

Happy Second Monday in October!

2010-10-11T06:01:00.007-05:00

The anniversary of Christopher Columbus' 1492 arrival in the Americas (he landed in the Bahamas) has been celebrated in New York City since 1792.

In 1934, at the request of the Knights of Columbus (they had more pull than the Knights of Broadway), Congress and President Franklin Delano Roosevelt made Columbus Day a Federal holiday.

To the "average Joe" .. it is also true for the "slightly below or above average Joe" and the "gifted Joe" .. this doesn't mean that much.

We are still going in to work today (the exception? .. 'retired Joe' who has been known to check out this blog .. when he finally arises, sometime in late afternoon).

To most of us, Columbus Day is pretty much like any other day of the year. The only difference is ...

We won't be receiving any mail and it is impossible to cash a check.

Of course the irony in this whole "in fourteen hundred and ninety two, Columbus sailed the ocean blue" (I just made that up, you know) thing is that good ole Chris thought he had landed in Asia.

Oops.

Obviously, there wasn't a woman onboard to say, "You should have turned back there."

" .. we launched, meaning to sail by the coasts of Asia .." - Acts 27:2b

RevKev's Day Off

2010-10-10T05:52:00.000-05:00

"Six days thou shalt work, but on the seventh day thou shalt rest." - Exodus 34:21a

Silly Song Saturday

2010-10-09T07:39:00.003-05:00

"Put the turban on his head... " - Exodus 29:6a

Funny Foto Friday

2010-10-08T06:37:00.003-05:00

Hmm....

"Since no man knows the future, who can tell him what is to come?" - Ecclesiastes 8:7

What's Up, Doc?

2010-10-07T06:08:00.009-05:00

A man walks into a doctor's office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear. "What's the matter with me?" he asks the doctor. The doctor replies, "You're not eating right"

________

What's the difference between a general practitioner and a specialist? One treats what you have, the other thinks you have what he treats.

________

Three doctors are in the duck blind and a bird flies overhead. The general practitioner looks at it and says, "Looks like a duck, flies like a duck... it's probably a duck," shoots at it but misses and the bird flies away.

The next bird flies overhead, and the pathologist looks at it, then looks through the pages of a bird manual, and says, "Hmmmm...green wings, yellow bill, quacking sound...might be a duck." He raises his gun to shoot it, but the bird is long gone.

A third bird flies over. The surgeon raises his gun and shoots almost without looking, brings the bird down, and turns to the pathologist and says, "Go see if that was a duck."

________

A man goes to the eye doctor. The receptionist asks him why he is there. The man complains, "I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes." The receptionist asks, "Have you ever seen a doctor?" and the man replies, "No, just spots."

________

A guy walks into a doctor's office and the receptionist asks him what he has. He says, "Shingles." So she takes down his name, address, medical insurance number and tells him to have a seat.

A few minutes later a nurse's aid comes out and asks him what he has. He says, "Shingles." So she takes down his height, weight, a complete medical history and tells him to wait in the examining room.

Ten minutes later a nurse comes in and asks him what he has. He says, "Shingles." So she gives him a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and tells him to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.

Fifteen minutes later the doctor comes in and asks him what he has. He says, "Shingles." The doctor says, "Where?" He replies, "Outside in the truck. Where do you want them?"

"Is there no balm in Gilead; is there no physician there? why then is not the health of the daughter of my people recovered?" - Jeremiah 8:22

Kev's Klip of the Week

2010-10-06T00:19:00.004-05:00

I love people (and churches) with a good, healthy sense of humor.

Kudos to North Point Ministries for not taking themselves too seriously and for making us think just a little.

"Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God-this is your spiritual act of worship." - Romans 12:1

I'm in the Ministry... of Silly Walks

2010-10-05T06:11:00.008-05:00

... and now for something completely different.

This will be a "clips only" week on RevKev's blog.

Why? Because I said so.

Now, shut your mouth and eat your food (is that even possible????).

October 5th, 1969 - Monty Python's Flying Circus debuts.

"Ye shall walk in all the ways which the LORD your God hath commanded you, that ye may live, and that it may be well with you, and that ye may prolong your days in the land which ye shall possess." - Deuteronomy 5:33

Watch It, Buster

2010-10-04T06:02:00.004-05:00

Happy Birthday to The Great Stone Face

Buster Keaton

Oct. 4, 1895 - Feb. 1, 1966

"The righteous also shall see, and fear, and shall laugh at him" - Psalm 52:6

RevKev's Day Off

2010-10-03T05:56:00.001-05:00

"Six days thou shalt work, but on the seventh day thou shalt rest." - Exodus 34:21a

Silly Song Saturday

2010-10-02T07:49:00.002-05:00

The Lord alps those who alp themselves.

"All the animals and all the creatures that move along the ground and all the birds--everything that moves on the earth--came .." - Genesis 8:19a

Funny Foto Friday

2010-10-01T07:06:00.002-05:00

"Though his face is covered with fat and his waist bulges with flesh." - Job 15:27

Here's Mud in Your Eye

2010-09-30T05:55:00.006-05:00

According to holidayinsights.com ... and Facebook friend, TLWI (she wouldn't joke about something as serious as this) ... September 30 is National Mud Pack Day and since my name has been "mud" on more than one occasion (both professionally and personally), I was somewhat intrigued by this special day.

Mud baths have been in existence for thousands of years and can now be found in some of the more exclusive spas in many countries of the world (for some reason the 'sand bath' never really took off ... Well, technically it did take off ... the outer couple of layers of skin).

The use of mud packs (according to the four page, full-color brochure) is effective in the treatment of chronic inflammation caused by internal diseases, bruises, sprains, boils, and wounds because the mud is able to retain moisture and coolness for longer periods than cold water packs or compresses.

The cold moisture in the mud packs relaxes the pores of the skin, draws the blood into the surface, relieves inner congestion and pain, promotes heat radiation, and eliminates toxins in the body.

Of course, not all types of muds are beneficial.

For example, when ingested, "Mississippi Mud" produces fat cells.

To avoid this, simply apply topically (I wouldn't suggest going outdoors during this 'treatment' ... it also produces ... flies).

When I was a child I would get in big trouble for getting my "Sunday clothes" muddy before going to church.

Too bad I didn't know about all these benefits back then.

Mud. It does the body good.

"He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand." - Psalm 40:2

Kev's Klip of the Week

2010-09-29T05:52:00.002-05:00

"And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man."

- Genesis 2:22

The Days Are Getting Shorter??

2010-09-28T06:25:00.008-05:00

I thought the days were supposed to get longer during the summer and shorter during the fall/winter???

Well, so far ... it ain't happening that way!

The last few days have been the longest I have experienced in some time (I'm pretty sure Sunday alone had 25 or 26 hours in it).

Perhaps it is because I am getting older and "burning the candle at both ends" is not as easy as it was back in my younger days (like ... when I was 40).

If it is true that "time flies when you're having fun" ... I must be a man, most miserable (that's not the case at all ... they say 'misery loves company' and I don't have time for company).

I have been so tired the last three nights, I could barely drag myself off the couch (this is understandable, of course ... I weigh 155 pounds and I've had hernia surgery) to go to the bedroom.

When I was little, mom or dad would just pick me up while I was sleeping, carry me to the bed, and tuck me in.

Well, they weren't here (Cheryl refuses to do it .. anymore).

With Saturday's reunion (morning and evening activities) and starting revival services at FBC Lexington on Sunday (the day began with a men's breakfast at 7:30), I have had plenty to keep me busy and out of trouble (I need all the help I can get, you know).

Glancing at my organizer (yeah, I was just kidding about having one of those), it looks like I'll be "keeping my nose clean" for quite a while, if I don't ... "blow it."

".. your servant was busy here and there .."

- I Kings 20:40a

How Do You Mend a Broken Hip

2010-09-27T05:29:00.007-05:00

My 35 year high school reunion was this past weekend and all I can say is ... "Wow!" ... and maybe also, "Ow!" (I'm not as young as I used to be).

This event has been a long time coming (thirty five years to be exact) and I don't think anyone was disappointed (except for those who couldn't/wouldn't attend).

The last time the class of '75 from South Side High School got together was in 1995 and for some reason ... I missed it.

Perhaps I had a previous engagement? (No, that couldn't be it ... I'm already married).

Perhaps I didn't get the word? (Is it possible they kept this information from me on purpose??? ... Maybe I'm paranoid, but when people are out to get you, there's good reason to be).

Perhaps I just decided it was not worth the time or effort ... or money?

All I know is if the 20 year gathering was half as fun as this one ... I missed out, big time!

Of course, there were some challenges on Saturday.

Many of my classmates looked like a slightly older version of themselves from senior year and they were easy to identify.

Others had changed so much we had to ask for two forms of identification before allowing them to enter the banquet room at the Doubletree Hotel (we couldn't afford to have spies from North Side crashing our party, now could we?).

After the meal of boneless chicken breasts, steamed veggies with no salt, and sugar-free pie (the menu was 'over fifty friendly'), we had a brief program (our attention span is even shorter than it was back in 1975 ... during sixth period ... on a Friday), had a class photo made (no blue velvet wraps or tuxes this time) and then proceeded to "get down" on the dance floor (some were even able to get back up).

Many months of planning went into this event (it took longer because no one could remember what we did at the previous meeting ... then we started taking notes) and all that hard work paid off in the end.

When we all got together is was just like high school again (minus the bad hair styles and pimples, of course) and you just can't put a price tag on that.

Actually, you can ... $50 a person.

Now the challenge is Stayin' Alive ... Stayin' Alive until we meet again.

Hopefully, we won't wait another fifteen years.

"Remember the days of old .." - Deuteronomy 32:7a

RevKev's Day Off

2010-09-26T05:05:00.001-05:00

"Six days thou shalt work, but on the seventh day thou shalt rest." - Exodus 34:21a

Silly Song Saturday

2010-09-25T06:19:00.004-05:00

My thirty five year high school reunion is today and it begins with a classmates continental breakfast (there were several fruits in the class of '75 ... I'm the ham) and a tour of South Side High School (that should take ten minutes... tops) at 9:30 this morning, so I need to go get ready.

Now...

Oh, where is my hairbrush?

"Howbeit the hair of his head began to grow again after he was shaven." - Judges 16:22

Funny Foto Friday

2010-09-24T06:33:00.004-05:00

REUNITED, AND IT FEELS SO GOOD

My 35 year high school reunion is this weekend and I am excited about renewing old (really old) acquaintances.

South Side High School class of '75, ready or not... here I come!

"The people of Judah and the people of Israel will be reunited .." - Hosea 1:11a

Meet the Jetsons

2010-09-23T06:11:00.003-05:00

On September 23, 1962 one of my favorite childhood cartoons (my absolute favorite was Jonny Quest) premiered during prime-time (and you thought The Simpsons was groundbreaking television) on ABC.

Yes, believe it or not, the adventures of The Jetsons hit the airwaves 48 years ago (that would make daughter, Judy sixty four now ... actually since the show was set in the year 2062, that would make her ... well, not born yet ... btw, I do know cartoon characters aren't real ... now).

The original series had 24 episodes and was re-run on Saturday mornings for decades (that's where I first 'met' Judy ... hey, don't judge. I knew Betty Rubble was a married woman and there was no way we could ever be together).

Of course, there were other Jetson family members besides Judy ... but who cares?

Okay, if you insist...

George Jetson - Father in this "situation comedy." He works "full-time," 9 hours a week, at Spacely's Sprockets (this is even better than working two days a week ... like me).

Jane Jetson - George's wife. She is a homemaker and loves shopping at Mooning Dales (there's a joke in there somewhere, but I'm not going for it).

Judy - Teenage daughter. She loves clothes, going out and revealing secrets to her digital diary (... and she broke my heart).

Elroy - Six (and a half) year old son. He attends Little Dipper School and is highly intelligent (hopefully he was smart enough to have his name legally changed later in life ... Elroy? ... oh, come on!!).

Rosie - The household robot. She's an outdated model, but the Jetsons would never trade her in since she is like a member of the family (plus ... George would have the ACLU all over him).

Astro - The family dog. Like Scooby-Doo and Muttley (two other Hanna-Barbera creations back in 1962), he can talk (although with a slight impediment ... his words begin with an 'r' ... Ruh-roh!).

Futurama may be "all that" these days. However, remember it all started back in 1962 ... or in the future in 2062 (this sci-fi stuff is more complicated than the movie, Inception ... or Lindsay Lohan ... okay, maybe not as complicated as the latter), with a family called ... The Jetsons.

"Jane! Stop this crazy thing!"

They just don't write 'em like that anymore.

"Since no man knows the future, who can tell him what is to come?" - Ecclesiastes 8:7

Kev's Klip of the Week

2010-09-22T06:50:00.002-05:00

In the most technical sense, today's "klip" is really not a clip at all.

It is an animation.

However, since yesterday's "post" was not much of a post (sorry ... Tuesday I seemed to be suffering from a terrible case of mental constipation) ... I hope you can overlook it.

Last week, a stray kitten "appeared" at our door. Since the poor thing was hungry, we put some food out for it to eat and ... guess what?

Evidently, Cheryl and I are now adoptive parents (Matthew West should be writing a song about our experience any day now).

If you drop by the Hamilton house, keep an eye out for "JJ" (that stands for 'Jack Jr.' .. named after my daughter's all-black cat).

He hangs out in the back with all the other "cool cats."

"He hath filled the hungry with good things .."

- Luke 1:53

Beverly Hills Cop Out

2010-09-21T06:03:00.009-05:00

Jerome Leon "Jerry" Bruckheimer (born September 21, 1945) is an American film and television producer who has achieved great success in the genres of action, drama, and science fiction.

His best known television series are CSI: Crime Scene Investigation, CSI: Miami, CSI: NY, Without a Trace, Cold Case, The Amazing Race, and Dark Blue.

Bruckheimer movies include Top Gun, The Rock, Con Air, Crimson Tide, Armageddon, Enemy of the State, Gone in 60 Seconds, Black Hawk Down, Pearl Harbor, Pirates of the Caribbean, and Prince of Persia.

Here is a "blast from the past" and one of my favorites from 1984 (the edited for television version, of course).

I even have the theme song as a ringtone!

Happy Birthday, Jerry!

"Let the floods clap their hands: let the hills be joyful together" - Psalm 98:8

The Battle of the Sexes: An Unfair Fight

2010-09-20T05:53:00.007-05:00

Thirty seven years ago on this day (September 20, 1973), tennis great, Billie Jean King (age 29) defeated former Wimbledon men's singles champ, Bobby Riggs (age 55) at the Houston Astrodome in a match (not made in heaven, btw) billed as "The Battle of the Sexes."

Once again...

Girls rule. Guys drool.

That is just how things are.

There are differences between men and women (yes, I am very perceptive... and observant). The sooner guys learn this, the better... for everyone.

Matt Groening (cartoonist, screenwriter, producer and creator of The Simpsons) points out some of these differences in an article entitled, "Men vs Women."

Here are a few excerpts:

Maturity

Women mature much faster than men. Most 17-year-old females can function as adults. Most 17-year-old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high school romances rarely work.

Comedy

Let's say a small group of men and women are in a room, watching television, and an episode of "The Three Stooges" comes on. Immediately, the men will get very excited; they will laugh uproariously, and even try to imitate the actions of Curly, man's favorite stooge. The women will roll their eyes and groan and wait it out.

Handwriting

To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship. They just chicken-scratch. Women use scented, colored stationary and they dot their "i's" with circles and hearts. Women use ridiculously large loops in their "p's" and "g's". It is a royal pain to read a note from a woman. Even when she's dumping you, she'll put a smiley face at the end of the note.

Bathrooms

A man has at most six items in his bathroom - a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in a typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

Groceries

A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes to the store and buys these things. A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are half a lemon and something turning green. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reaches the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter that the Clampetts' car on Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the 10-items-or-less lane.

Going Out

When a man says he is ready to go out, it means he is ready to go out. When a woman says she is ready to go out, it means she WILL be ready to go out, as soon as she finds her other earring, finishes putting on her makeup...

Cats

Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

Jewelry

Women look nice when they wear jewelry. A man can get away with wearing one ring, and that's it. Any more than that, and he will look like a lounge singer named Vic.

Plants

A woman asks a man to water her plants while she is on vacation. The man waters the plants. The woman comes home five days later, to an apartment full of dead plants. No one knows why this happens.

There, you have it guys.

Now do you see why we can never win... no matter what the circumstance?

Me neither.

Evidently, that's just the way God intended.

"It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman and in a wide house."

- Proverbs 25:24

RevKev's Day Off

2010-09-19T05:52:00.000-05:00

"Six days thou shalt work, but on the seventh day thou shalt rest." - Exodus 34:21a

Silly Song Saturday

2010-09-18T08:20:00.003-05:00

Eventually, I am going to run out of "Saturday material" from the good people at Big Idea and when that happens I will be forced to look elsewhere.

However, until that happens ...

Here's another silly song from the VeggieTales gang.

"And when the LORD saw that he turned aside to see, God called unto him out of the midst of the bush, and said, Moses, Moses." - Exodus 3:4a

Funny Foto Friday

2010-09-17T04:21:00.004-05:00

"Now I beseech you, brethren, mark them .."

- Romans 16:7a

They Said It Couldn't Be Done ... So I Didn't Try

2010-09-16T07:19:00.006-05:00

Feeling lazy, so ... no post today.

THE END.

"If a man is lazy, the rafters sag; if his hands are idle, the house leaks." - Ecclesiastes 10:18

Kev's Klip of the Week

2010-09-15T05:57:00.004-05:00

In yesterday's post I gave you .. in my opinion .. the two ingredients for a successful marriage: 1) laughter and 2) being genuine .. or honesty, if you will.

Here is the late George Younce singing his version of "Side By Side."

The audio is not great, but it sounds like someone is batting .500!

"As it is, there are many parts, but one body."

- I Corinthians 12:20

Funny You Should Say That

2010-09-14T07:00:00.006-05:00

Cheryl and I recently celebrated 30 years of "matrimonial bliss" (that's my assessment .. you'll have to ask her if she concurs .. btw, since I have a fear of rejection .. don't tell me what she says) and I thought that was pretty impressive.

Well, today is the 57th wedding anniversary of husband and wife comedy team, Stiller and Meara, so that makes us mere amateurs.

Despite several obstacles (both are in showbiz .. he's Jewish, she's Catholic .. he's a man, she's a woman...) this couple has managed to "beat the odds" and remain .. a couple.

Laughter is not only a "good medicine" (I just came up with that on my own), it is one of two key ingredients in the recipe for a successful marriage.

The other .. is to be completely genuine.

Once you've learned to fake that, it's smooth sailing.

Here is clip of Jerry Stiller and Anne Meara from an old episode of The King of Queens.

Hang in there.

They say the first 60 years are the hardest.

"A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives."

- I Corinthians 7:39a

I Wish I Had Said That

2010-09-13T06:08:00.005-05:00

September 13th is FORTUNE COOKIE DAY (it is also INTERNATIONAL CHOCOLATE DAY, but someone has already beaten me to the punch and posted every conceivable humorous saying regarding that "delectable delight" on Facebook .. thanks a lot TWI) so .. if you have the misfortune of reading my blog .. today's entry is simply a list of "quips" and "quotes" that have made their way into these little "tasteless treats" (what are they made from? flavored styrofoam??).

Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life.

You will be hungry again in one hour.

Help! I am being held prisoner in a Chinese bakery.

A woman who seeks to be equal with men lacks ambition.

He who laughs last is laughing at you.

A closed mouth gathers no feet.

The world may be your oyster, but it doesn't mean you'll get its pearl.

The fortune you seek is in another cookie.

Never forget a friend. Especially if he owes you.

Its about time I got out of that cookie.

A can of worms won't open itself.

That wasn't chicken!

These are some sayings we'd like to see (courtesy of dribbleglass.com):

Never give up. Unless defeat arouses that girl in accounting.

Long time figuring out tip, genius.

If you can read this, you did not attend public school.

Confucius say nothing until royalty payments received.

Your nature makes you popular and a favorite of bail bondsmen.

Your day will come. You can watch it from heaven.

Hard times are behind you. Impossible times lie just ahead.

Your plans would come to fruition if you weren't limited by being you.

"Restore our fortunes, O Lord .." - Psalm 126:4a

RevKev's Day Off

2010-09-12T05:57:00.005-05:00

Sunday is my "day of rest" ... from blogging.

Come back tomorrow (if you dare).

"Six days thou shalt work, but on the seventh day thou shalt rest." - Exodus 34:21a

Silly Song Saturday

2010-09-11T07:47:00.001-05:00

"The sun rose above him as he passed Peniel, and he was limping because of his hip." - Genesis 32:31

Funny Foto Friday

2010-09-10T06:48:00.003-05:00

Here, Kitty, Kitty.

"Now the LORD had prepared a great fish .." - Jonah 1:17

Wow .. That Was Weird

2010-09-09T06:17:00.005-05:00

Weirdos.

We all know them (if you've never met one, perhaps you should take a long, hard look in the mirror) or are related to one .. or two .. or ten (shake the family tree hard enough and ...).

The aunt who lives in an 500 square foot apartment .. with 37 cats.

A cousin who walks around town donning a wool scarf, heavy winter coat and coonskin cap .. in the month of July.

The neighbor who goes out to the mailbox wearing only boxers, flip flops .. and an evil grin.

The women who likes to vacuum in the nude .. with the curtains open.

The guy on the bus who sings along with his iPod .. to the top of his lungs .. off key.

The man in the park carrying on a heated argument over this Bluetooth headset, only .. there's no Bluetooth headset.

They say that "every dog has its day" (actually, multiple ones during the summer). Well, the same is true for weirdos and it is today, September 9.

Wonderful Weirdos Day started ten years ago in Austin, Texas when a special day was set aside to celebrate the uniqueness of its citizens (now you know why they say don't mess with Texas).

Coincidently, I have family in Austin and they have been living there for well over ten years .. no comments, please.

Even if you don't consider yourself a weirdo (weird is in the eye of the beholder), why not take the opportunity to do something strange and "off the wall" on this special day.

Get on an elevator and instead of facing the door, face the people.

Go to the meat department at your local grocery and ring the little bell. When the guy with the white apron comes out, point your finger at him and scream, "YOU BUTCHER!"

Order a Big Mac, fries and a coke from the drive-through .. at the bank.

You gotta love a weirdo.

It's true. Just ask my wife.

"Jehu went back to his fellow officers, and one of them asked him, 'What did that crazy fellow want? Is everything all right?' 'You know the way such a man babbles on,' Jehu replied." - II Kings 9:11

Kev's Klip of the Week

2010-09-08T06:04:00.003-05:00

My daughter told me about this YouTube video and I just had to make it my "Klip of the Week."

Since I am a Baptist, I know nothing about dancing (that's my story and I'm sticking to it), but I have to believe the judges on "So You Think You Can Dance" would give this cavorting canine (boy, I sure do miss my golden retriever, Shadow) very high marks.

"Thou hast turned for me my mourning into dancing."

- Psalm 30:11a

Please Mr. Postman

2010-09-07T06:07:00.005-05:00

"Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from completion of their appointed rounds"

These are the words inscribed on the front of the New York Post Office .. it opened on September 7 in 1914 .. which many believe to be the motto of the United States Postal Service.

It is not.

The USPS has no official motto or creed, so I guess they don't have to be held accountable to anyone .. after all, they are a part of the US government and that is standard operational procedure.

Actually, I think they do a pretty good job and I have no complaints, whatsoever (I'm trying to only say nice things .. don't you read the papers? .. those employees are ticking time-bombs just waiting to explode .. they call it going postal for a reason, you know).

So ... today let's try to keep it as light as possible with two jokes (the only two clean jokes I could find on the subject, I might add) and a country and western song title.

First, the jokes:

A woman went to the Post Office to buy stamps for her Christmas Cards. "What denomination?" asked the clerk. "Oh, good heavens! Have we come to this?" said the woman. "Well, give me 30 Catholic, 10 Baptist ones, 20 Lutheran, and 40 Presbyterian."

A guy stormed into the postmaster's office in a fury. "I've been getting threatening letters in the mail for months and I want them stopped." "Of course," said the postmaster. "Sending threatening letters through the mail is a federal offense. Do you know who' sending them?" "Yes," shouted the man. "It's those idiots down at the Internal Revenue Service."

(Don't get me started on the IRS. Even a 'nice guy' like me can get worked up over the Infernal Revenue Service).

Now, the song:

When they operated on papa, they opened mother's male.

Happy "Neither Rain Nor Snow" Day!

"Woe to us! Who will deliver .." - I Samuel 4:8a

Love WILL Keep Us Together... Won't It?

2010-09-06T07:54:00.012-05:00

HAPPY 30th ANNIVERSARY, CHERYL!

"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.

If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.

If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

For we know in part and we prophesy in part,

but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.

When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.

Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." - I Corinthians 13:1-13

RevKev's Day Off

2010-09-05T05:53:00.001-05:00

"Six days thou shalt work, but on the seventh day thou shalt rest." - Exodus 34:21a

Silly Song Saturday

2010-09-04T08:46:00.002-05:00

"Many times did he deliver .." - Psalm 106:43a

Funny Foto Friday

2010-09-03T05:29:00.003-05:00

"They are wet with the showers of the mountains, and embrace the rock for want of a shelter." - Job 24:8

Let's Get (a) Physical

2010-09-02T05:59:00.007-05:00

This morning at 10 o'clock I am having my annual physical .. what a pain in rear (which, by the way, is actually part of the exam).

I know this is something that only happens once a year .. like Christmas .. but for some reason I don't quite get as excited about being punctured, probed and prodded as I do when I receive a present (granted, the doctor does usually say, "Bend over, I have something for you" .. but it's just not the same).

My biggest problem with the whole thing is not being able to have anything to eat or drink after midnight.

I get up every morning at 5:30 and immediately go to the kitchen for a cup of coffee (okay, perhaps I make one stop first .. but it is en route) from my Tassimo Single-Serve Hot Beverage Maker.

That didn't happen today and no one should be subjected to me before I've had my morning coffee (let's just say I don't look a lot like Jesus before I've been adequately caffeinated).

I don't even like me before I've had my cup of Starbucks House Blend Mélange Maison .. ummmm.

Unfortunately, I will be going to the church at 8:30 and working until time for my appointment, so .. even though I plan to head straight to my office and close/lock the door .. there is the possibility of human contact from the time I leave my car to the time I get to my "cave."

If you are anywhere near the vicinity of 3400 Mitchell Street at that time, may I suggest you "steer clear."

We wouldn't want anyone to get hurt.

"And the mean man shall be brought down .."

- Isaiah 5:15a

Kev's Klip of the Week

2010-09-01T05:58:00.004-05:00

Last night I sang in a barbershop quartet at the Humboldt Music Club meeting (I might add .. it was a crowd pleaser!) and that performance was the inspiration for today's post.

"Ted's band" (The Worthless Peons from the television series, Scrubs) is actually a real group called The Blanks and they are stinkin' good (a musical term for .. stinkin' good).

This audio only Klip of the Week is the theme song from one of my favorite childhood cartoons.

Enjoy!

" .. for a living dog is better than a dead lion."

- Ecclesiastes 9:4b

Lawyers Are (Almost) People, Too

2010-08-31T06:03:00.006-05:00

"The first thing we do is kill all the lawyers."

That quote was made by "Dick the Butcher," the wisecracking villain (is that the pot calling the kettle black??) from Shakespeare's King Henry VI and it is totally inappropriate to use on August 31, "Love Litigating Lawyers Day."

Every profession has its share of critics.

However, attorneys appear to have more "haters" out there than Canadian pop singer, Justin Bieber (for the record ... he is a very close second).

Since some of the finest Christians I know happen to be lawyers, that is totally unfair.

On the other hand, there are a plethora of "lawyer jokes" flying around and this blog seems like the perfect place to let them land.

So... here goes (apologies to Griffin, Floyd and Dwight).

__________

Q: What do you get if you put 100 lawyers in your basement?

A: A whine cellar.

Q: Have you heard about the lawyers’ word processor?

A: No matter what font you select, everything comes out in fine print.

Q: What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?

A: A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.

Q: When lawyers die, why don't vultures eat them?

A: Even a vulture has taste.

Q: Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

A: Take your foot off his head.

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: How many can you afford?

Q: How do you tell if it is REALLY cold outside?

A: A lawyer has his hands in his own pockets.

Q: What is a criminal lawyer?

A: Redundant.

Q: What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?

A: Skeet.

Q: What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

A: His partners.

Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

A: His lips are moving.

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

A: The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.

Q: How does a lawyer sleep?

A: First he lies on one side and then on the other.

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Three. One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.

Q: What is black and white and looks good on a lawyer?

A: A doberman.

Two lawyers were walking along negotiating a case. “Look,” said one to the other, “let’s be honest with each other.” “Okay, you first,” replied the other. That was the end of the discussion.

__________

Isn't it a shame how 99% of the lawyers give the whole profession a bad name.

Since some of you read this blog before going to work, I'll stop there (these jokes only scratch the surface .. there are tons of them) so you won't be late.

Perhaps next time I'll feature "preacher jokes."

Bring a sack lunch.

"Assemble the people--men, women and children, and the aliens living in your towns--so they can listen and learn to fear the Lord your God and follow carefully all the words of this law." - Deuteronomy 31:12

The Lion Sleeps Tonight... Lucky!

2010-08-30T06:45:00.007-05:00

NIGHT OWL

Call it the power of suggestion (one of my FB friends had just referred to me as the 'King of Insomnia' .. I prefer the 'King of Late Night' .. sorry Dave), eating "too much, too late" ('too little, too late' is such a cliché), or just an active mind (I excel at 'mental gymnastics') .. or bladder (you can't consume a gallon of H2O before bedtime and expect to keep it to yourself).

For whatever reason, I experienced yet another sleepless night .. and I'm tired of it (or rather .. tired because of it).

This site has been around for well over two years (although some deny the very existence of .. blog) and I suppose THE most written about subject (after my wife encouraged me to use her name a little less often) has to be .. the inability to sleep soundly.

The problem is clear.

A solution? .. Not so much.

At least I know I'm not alone.

All I have to do is get on Facebook any hour of the night .. or morning (it is somewhat comforting that so many are just as miserable as I am).

Everyone has trouble sleeping at some time or another. The trick is to never let it get the best of you.

Case in point...

Bean there. Done that. Got the nightshirt.

It's gonna be a LONG Monday.

"Israel's watchmen are blind, they all lack knowledge; they are all mute dogs, they cannot bark; they lie around and dream, they love to sleep." - Isaiah 56:10

RevKev's Day Off

2010-08-29T05:28:00.001-05:00

"Six days thou shalt work, but on the seventh day thou shalt rest." - Exodus 34:21a

Silly Song Saturday

2010-08-28T07:23:00.001-05:00

"We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised." - Hebrews 6:12

Funny Foto Friday

2010-08-27T06:59:00.003-05:00

"But if a woman have long hair, it is a glory to her: for her hair is given her for a covering." - I Corinthians 11:15

Oops! Wrong Wright

2010-08-26T06:12:00.005-05:00

Some days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed (I suppose that's not literally true, since in order to receive a paycheck I actually do need to get out of bed, get ready, and show up for work).

However, from a blogger's point of view .. that is absolutely the case.

Take today's post .. please (with apologies to the late Henny Youngman).

After noticing August 26 was the birthday of Steven Wright, I decided to include more "Wrightisms" (I already posted several back in November) today .. sort of a tribute, if you will (actually, sort of a tribute even if you won't).

Quotes like:

All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
Change is inevitable....except from vending machines.

Well, imagine my surprise when I learned the guy who was born 56 years ago today is not Steven Wright, the comedian.

He is Stephen Wright, the radio DJ from the United Kingdom.

Granted, some of the characters/sketches from his broadcast sound intriguing (Mr Angry, Dr. Fish-Filleter, Edward the Garrulous Fencing Champion, Useless the Weather Girl, and The Perv .. to name a few). However, since I have never heard (or until today .. heard of) his show, this puts me at a great disadvantage.

In addition to all that, it is now almost 7:30 AM and it is too late to come up with something else.

So...

Happy Birthday, Stephen Wright .. whoever you are.

" ..This day is a day of distress .." - II Kings 19:3b

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

2010-08-25T05:48:00.006-05:00

Tonight at 6:30 we will have our Christmas music "kick-off" (I know .. I can't believe it either!!) at FBC Humboldt.

Great music .. if I do say so myself .. and Christmas goodies (sweets in the choir suite .. sweet!).

What more could you ask for?

Sorry, there is no pony.

"And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger."

- Luke 2:12

HBD2U R2-D2

2010-08-24T06:09:00.007-05:00

I'd like to give a birthday "shout out" to Kenny Baker who was born on August 24, 1934.

Who is Kenny Baker? .. I'm glad you asked that question.

He is the 3'8" British actor who landed the role of R2-D2 in George Lucas' 1977 mega-hit, Star Wars and proved that "good things" really do "come in small packages" (there are exceptions, however .. roaches, ticks, mosquitoes, fleas and .. of course, a child during the 'terrible twos').

Baker's portrayal of R2-D2 gave us one of the few all-motorized (mechanical) human performances in film history (the others? .. any film staring Ben Affleck).

Once crammed into his robot costume, he was unable to move around and had to rely on sophisticated remote controls (Tivo??). When those didn't work, he had to be pulled around with nylon ropes (what a drag).

Also, the noisy computer controls on R2-D2's "tin can" were so loud Baker didn't even know when a take was over. Someone had to literally bang on his costume with a hammer to indicate the director had said "cut" ('Great take, Kenny! .. you really nailed that scene!').

It has been said that "there are no small parts .. only small actors" and that is certainly true.

Especially in the case of Kenny Baker.

I conclude today's post with a question for some of the Star Wars characters ...

Why did the chicken cross the road?

VADER: Because it could not resist the power of the Dark Side.

YODA: Crossing the road makes not a chicken great.

LUKE: I want to follow the ways of the chicken and cross the road like my father.

LEIA: I don't know... but I have a bad feeling about this.

HAN: Hurry up, Colonel Sanders, or you're gonna be a permanent resident!

THREEPIO: I am fluent in over six million ways of crossing the road.

R2-D2: beep beep be bop.

"Then he sent horses and chariots and a strong force there .." - II Kings 6:14a

Let Them Eat Cake

2010-08-23T05:46:00.004-05:00

This is just a reminder that August 23 is National Sponge Cake Day (not to be confused with National Sponge Bath Day .. for obvious reasons) across this great land of ours (wouldn't it be embarrassing if you had let it slip your mind?).

Because it is so light (like me .. I really need to get out in the sun more often) and airy (again, like me .. I really need to watch what I eat), sponge cake makes the perfect summertime dessert.

The batter is very simple (this could also be said of some baseball players .. It’s permanent, for now. - Cincinnati Red Roberto Kelly, announcing his new name would be 'Bobby' .. There is one word in America that says it all, and that word is, ‘You never know.’ - Pitcher Joaquin Andujar .. Half this game is ninety percent mental. – Danny Ozark, Philadelphia Phillies manager) and contains only three ingredients: flour, sugar and eggs.

However, the real "secret" to good sponge cake is beating the batter thoroughly to create volume (yes, the baseball analogy still holds .. take it from a former little league player).

After baking .. before being cooled .. sponge cake is very flexible (like Earl Privitt .. if you've never seen him put his leg behind his head, you must not be from Humboldt) and can be rolled to create special desserts like the Bûche de Noël (Yule Log) and the Swiss Roll (which got its name from the antics of a clumsy Alpine mountain climber).

The Victoria Sponge Cake, which contains jam between two cakes, was named after Queen Victoria who enjoyed a slice with her afternoon tea (a little trivia: no one really knows what kind of jam she used to make this delicious dessert .. that was always Victoria's secret).

Let's not keep National Sponge Cake Day a secret.

Soak up all the information you can on the subject and help spread the word.

"Elijah said to her, 'Don't be afraid. Go home and do as you have said. But first make a small cake ..' "

- I Kings 17:13a

RevKev's Day Off

2010-08-22T06:08:00.000-05:00

"Six days thou shalt work, but on the seventh day thou shalt rest." - Exodus 34:21a

Silly Song Saturday

2010-08-21T07:09:00.003-05:00

"I was dancing before the LORD, who chose me ... So I am willing to act like a fool in order to show my joy in the LORD." - II Samuel 6:21

Funny Foto Friday

2010-08-20T06:27:00.003-05:00

"Sir, I have no man to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up." - John 5:7b

Water You Doing?

2010-08-19T06:14:00.005-05:00

Yesterday while I was home during my lunch hour... and a half (hey, don't judge .. Wednesdays are tough), something out of the ordinary happened (my normal routine is eat as quickly as possible and take a short snooze .. it does the body good) that really got the old adrenaline pumping.

I had just settled down for a short summer's nap when I heard this loud sound coming from the front bedroom. It was like a cross between static from a clock radio with really bad reception and one of those "white noise" machines that people use to lull them to sleep.

When I went to investigate, I discovered the noise was coming from underneath the bed.

After sliding out several storage boxes and checking the contents, I realized the sound was not coming from any of the containers. It was coming from beneath the floor and ... it was the sound of running .. no, rushing .. water.

I had heard this sound once before. It was years ago during my college days when the Union University Singers went to Niagara Falls.

Since I am a fairly perceptive person, I thought .. this is probably not good.

So, I called Petty Plumbing (no, it's not a business for trivial plumbing issues .. that's the guy's name) and Brian Petty said he was finishing a job in Trenton and would get here asap.

I checked the meter by the street and the dial was spinning so fast it was like standing in front of a box fan. So, I knew the water needed to be shut off.

However, after having hernia surgery just three weeks prior, I thought it best not to risk "stripping a gear" and re-damaging something that is not totally paid for at this time.

That was when I called John Morrison (he works for Humboldt Utilities and is on the Humboldt Rescue Squad .. the perfect 'skill set' for this emergency) who was there within minutes and shut off the water (Thanks, John .. You 'da man!!), which probably kept my house from becoming a riverboat!

Petty Plumbing did arrive in a timely manner and they were quickly able to take care of the problem.

Things could have been worse.

I'm grateful there were no hidden cameras in the house while I was running around in a panic, crying like a little girl.

I do have a macho reputation to uphold, you know.

"Send thine hand from above; rid me, and deliver me out of great waters .." - Psalm 144:7a

Kev's Klip of the Week

2010-08-18T06:12:00.003-05:00

"Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them."

- Matthew 7:20

I Almost Blue It

2010-08-17T06:06:00.004-05:00

I have a meeting this morning in Brentwood (Tennessee Baptist's 'Holy City'), so today's post will have to be a short one.

On this day (August 17th) in 1959, American musician Miles Davis released the much acclaimed and best selling jazz recording of all time, Kind of Blue (Kind of Red was an embarrassment, Kind of Yellow suggested cowardice, and Kind of Black was simply... inaccurate).

Columbia House released both a mono and stereo (quite a departure from the 'norm' since many jazz musicians are known for low fidelity at high frequency) version of the album .. which was recorded in only two sessions.

Davis called for almost no rehearsal on this project and the musicians had little idea what they were to record when they arrived (like choir members who show up on Sunday morning after missing Wednesday night).

Kind of Blue's influence has reached beyond jazz as rock and classical musicians have been influenced by this recording (which critics have called one of the most influential albums of all time).

Congratulations on a job well done, Miles.

Which reminds me... I have several miles to drive and a meeting to attend.

That makes me... kind of blue.

"Which were clothed with blue, captains and rulers, all of them desirable young men, horsemen riding upon horses." - Ezekiel 23:6

It's No Laughing Matter

2010-08-16T05:45:00.006-05:00

I have a Facebook friend who has become famous for two things (four, if you count shopping and an insatiable appetite for Wavy Lay's potato chips): 1) posting "quotable quotes" as status updates and 2) mentioning obscure "holidays" and "observances" that might not otherwise be known by the general public (one of the great military minds of this century).

Since coming up with "blog fodder" on a regular basis has become increasingly more difficult (this albatross is in its third year), I have (on more than one occasion, of late) been inspired (a kinder way of saying .. stolen the idea) to use some of these findings for my own personal gain or .. the greater good, if you will.

Today is National Tell a Joke Day .. seriously, I read it on Facebook .. and I want to encourage everyone to participate.

I'll get things started:

He was a mediocre conductor of a mediocre orchestra and he had been having problems with the basses; they were the least professional of his musicians. In fact, earlier that evening he found them celebrating one of their birthdays by passing a bottle around. It was the last performance of the season, Beethoven’s 9th Symphony, which required extra effort from the bass section at the end of the piece. As the conductor was about to cue the basses, he knocked over his music stand. The sheet music scattered. As he stood in front of his orchestra, his worst fear was realized; it was the bottom of the 9th, no score and the basses were loaded.

If you can make just one person smile today, you have made the world a better place to live.

If you can make several people smile today .. can you tell me how you did it?

I'm in desperate need of some new material.

"I will change my expression, and smile." - Job 9:27b

RevKev's Day Off

2010-08-15T06:11:00.005-05:00

I understand .. from a reliable source .. today is National Relaxation Day, so after church I am going to "kick back" and "chill out."

How 'bout you?

You are welcome to join me .. just not in this pool!

"Six days thou shalt work, but on the seventh day thou shalt rest." - Exodus 34:21a

Silly Song Saturday

2010-08-14T08:45:00.006-05:00

" .. he taketh not pleasure in the legs of a man."
- Psalm 147:10b

Funny Foto Friday

2010-08-13T07:16:00.005-05:00

It's Friday the 13th... good luck with that!

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

- Philippians 4:13

That's Not PC ... Wait, Yes It Is

2010-08-12T06:07:00.006-05:00

On this day .. August 12 .. in 1981, IBM introduced the first PC (personal computer) in an effort to get into the market already dominated by the Commodore PET, Atari 8-bit family, Apple II and Tandy Corporation's TRS-80.

The IBM 5150 was a complete system, with a built-in monitor, keyboard, and data storage designed specifically for professional and scientific problem-solvers (hobbyists weren't quite willing to pay the $20,000 price tag back then).

It has been twenty nine years since IBM started all this "mess" and today's home computers are "dirt cheap" and far more powerful than any of those early engineers could have even fathomed.

They are also in just about every home in America .. and a source of contention in most.

I close with the following:

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slowdown in the performance of the flower and jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under the Boyfriend 5.0 system.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.9, and installed undesirable programs such as NFL 7.4, NBA 3.2 and NHL 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 also no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,

Desperate

Gotta go.

My wife just sent me an IM from the other room and said she is leaving for work.

"'Bring me some game .." - Genesis 27:7a

Kev's Klip of the Week

2010-08-11T06:09:00.001-05:00

This is for a friend.

"Go, walk through the length and breadth of the land, for I am giving it to you." - Genesis 13:17

And The Hits Keep Coming

2010-08-10T06:20:00.006-05:00

Barring some type of nationwide internet outage or a boycott from the CAUB (Citizens Against Unfunny Blogs), RevKev's should surpass 60,000 "hits" today.

All I can say is "thank you" and ... "why?"

You seem like nice, normal people. Why jeopardize that by filling your minds with the ramblings of a raving lunatic? Didn't your momma tell you not to play with fire?

Don't get me wrong. I love the attention and it gives me great satisfaction when .. okay, if .. I can make someone smile or laugh. However, I can't fathom why some of you keep coming back for more???

I suppose this is one of life's mysteries like: What do chickens think we taste like? .. or .. Do clowns wear really big socks?

For fun, I just googled (please excuse me) "60,000" and here are just a few of the results:

Wikapedia says it is the number between 59,999 and 60,001 (suddenly my site doesn't seem so lame).
NumbersUSA states there are 60,000 non-citizen births in Texas each year (that borders on the ridiculous).
According to the Vancouver Sun, 60,000 new library cards were handed out last year at the Vancouver Public Library (this story was long overdue).
Finally, MediaPost carried a story about the Levi Company's quest for the perfect pair of jeans. Mary Alderete, Levi's VP/global marketing said, "We analyzed women's bodies around the world, and did 60,000 body scans, and found that 80% of all women fall into three different body types - Slight Curve, Demi Curve, and Bold Curve" (I was at the mall on tax-free weekend. At least 80% of the women I observed were Bold Curve wearing Slight Curve ... they should be able to remove the bandages from my eyes in a week to ten days).

"And his right eye shall be totally blinded .."

- Zechariah 11:17b

Another Marvelous Monday

2010-08-09T06:03:00.004-05:00

Yesterday's post (or rather, 'non post'.. Sunday is my day of rest, you know) suggested if you visited "RevKev's Blog" today, I would "try to make it worth your while."

Unfortunately .. that ain't gonna happen.

I wrote that blog entry (or rather, 'non entry' .. Sunday is my day of rest, you know) without thinking through (a major character flaw of mine) this morning's hectic schedule which includes a trip to the church office at 7:30 to pick up music for a meeting that will take place immediately after an 8:20 doctor's appointment in Jackson.

Of course, I still have to complete music plans for tonight's AN AWESOME AUGUST (basically, Sunday night on Monday night with different .. aren't they all?? .. preachers each week) service and setup for my SonShiners Choir rehearsal @ 1:30 PM.

The 8:20 appointment is a two week check-up (appropriately named because I will have to bring a check up to the counter before the doctor will see me) after my hernia surgery where he can admire his handiwork (he also does exquisite jack-o-lanterns, I am told) and I can ask any questions like: "What do you think of this incision, as a hole? .. make that, as a whole?"

The clock is ticking and I need to finish things up here, so please forgive me for yet another lame post.

Come back tomorrow and I will try to make it worth ...

Oh, who am I trying to fool?

"And hope does not disappoint us .." - Romans 5:5a

RevKev's Day Off

2010-08-08T06:31:00.002-05:00

"Six days thou shalt work, but on the seventh day thou shalt rest." - Exodus 34:21a

Silly Song Saturday

2010-08-07T07:25:00.004-05:00

A Mighty Wind is a 2003 "mockumentary" .. brilliantly co-written and directed by Christopher Guest .. about a folk music reunion concert featuring three very different groups from the 1960s.

"Eat at Joe's" is a little toe-tapper by one of those groups (The Folksmen) that really captures the sound and style of the genre.

This is subtle satire at its best.

Bon Appétit!

" .. when suddenly a mighty wind swept in from the desert and struck the four corners of the house."

- Job 1:19a

Funny Foto Friday

2010-08-06T06:57:00.003-05:00

" .. it searches out his inmost being." - Proverbs 2:27b

Mentioning the Unmentionable(s)

2010-08-05T06:10:00.005-05:00

Today is going to be a busy one for me, so please excuse this "brief" post.

August 5 is National Underwear Day and (although it will be another scorcher with temperatures at the 100 degree mark) whether they be "tighty whities" or "granny panties" .. I would like to encourage everyone to participate.

I close with a poem by Ruth Getty:

When I was a Maiden fair,

Mama made our underwear.

With five tots & Pa's poor pay,

How could she buy us lingerie?

Monograms & fancy stitches

were not on OUR flour sack britches.

Panty waists that stood the test

With Gold Medal on the Chest.

Little pants the best of all

With a scene I still recall:

Harvesters were gleaning wheat

Right across the little seat.

Tougher than a grizzly bear

Was our flour sack underwear.

Plain or fancy, three feet wide,

stronger than a hippos hide.

Through the years each Jill & Jack

Wore this sturdy garb of sack.

Waste not, want not, we soon learned,

Penny saved, a penny earned.

Bedspreads, curtains, tea towels, too.

Tablecloths to name a few.

But the best beyond compare

was our Flour Sack Underwear!

"he fled naked, leaving his garment behind." - Mark 14:52

Kev's Klip of the Week

2010-08-04T05:36:00.004-05:00

Perhaps you've seen The Blind Side.

Well, this is the sequel.

A big THANK YOU goes to "Fletch" (real name withheld to protect his/her reputation) for making me aware of this gem (sorry, I don't pay finders fees).

"Let our lord now command thy servants, which are before thee, to seek out a man, who is a cunning player .. " - I Samuel 16:16a

Come to Me .. My Melon-Calling Baby

2010-08-03T06:19:00.015-05:00

You may not be aware of this but .. August 3 is National Watermelon Day (just in case you didn't 'seed' TWI's post on Facebook).

There are more than 1200 varieties of watermelon, ranging in size from less than a pound to more than two hundred pounds (the latter is very popular at family reunions .. you only need one).

They come in four fruity "flesh" colors - red, orange, yellow and white .. they are precious in His sight .. and an average watermelon contains about 6% sugar and 92% water by weight (it is an excellent source of vitamin P).

The temperature is supposed to be 101 degrees here in West Tennessee today. When you factor in humidity, that should make it like .. 138.

That makes it a great day for cold watermelon .. any way you slice it!

"Like a scarecrow in a melon patch, their idols cannot speak." - Jeremiah 10:5a

Send in the Clowns

2010-08-02T06:27:00.004-05:00

In light of my hernia surgery on Tuesday, last week's blog entries revolved around all things medical and health-related (musicians just love a theme).

Well, I pretty much "milked that for all was was worth" so it is time to move on to bigger and better things .. perhaps just "move on" would be more accurate.

Since "laughter is a good medicine" (I read that somewhere .. Shakespeare, perhaps??) and the first week of August is National Clown Week (proclaimed by President Richard Nixon in 1971 .. insert your own joke here), the subject seemed like an appropriate "transition" in this little "symphony of silliness" known as RevKev's blog.

Our word for "clown" comes from an old Icelandic word, klunni, which meant a clumsy person. It is related to other archaic words for clod, or clump, or, in old Middle High German, klutz. We still use that word today to describe someone who always seems to be tripping over his two left feet.

Although no one really knows who the first clown was, that honor may go back to early drawings of a dancing man wearing a deer's head (office Christmas parties .. they've been around forever), discovered in a cave in the south of France in the early 1900s.

This mysterious figure, frequently called the magician or shaman, was believed to have the power to relieve illness.

The word shaman would eventually become show-man, one who can make you laugh your cares away.

Mel Brooks has a different take on who got the first laugh.

In his "History of the World Part One" the tribe/audience goes "wild" when a standup caveman comedian gets eaten by a dinosaur right in the middle of his monologue.

Take it from someone who has died a thousand times on stage...

There are worse ways to go.

" .. God hath made me to laugh, so that all that hear will laugh with me." - Genesis 21:6b

RevKev's Day Off

2010-08-01T06:52:00.001-05:00

"Six days thou shalt work, but on the seventh day thou shalt rest." - Exodus 34:21a

Silly Song Saturday

2010-07-31T07:55:00.003-05:00

"They that be whole need not a physician, but they that are sick." - Mark 9:12b

Funny Foto Friday

2010-07-30T06:57:00.004-05:00

"A time to tear, And a time to sew; A time to keep silence, And a time to speak." - Ecclesiastes 3:7