It Just Wasn't in the Cards

Last night Cheryl and I played cards (I know .. we're treading on dangerous ground .. what's next .. alcohol or even worse .. dancing??) with some old friends (old .. like we've known them for a long time .. however, they are also .. old).

The game was Phase Ten or as I prefer to call it .. the "mark of satan" and I suppose you have already surmised .. I didn't win.

Lucky at cards, unlucky at love .. my foot.

"Lady Luck" was nowhere to be found (at least as far as I was concerned) last night.

Oh, I started out doing quite well. I was winning, actually. However, that's how I get sucked (a word that describes my overall performance) in to "the dark side" every time. Everything seems to be going in my favor, then someone (usually the newest player who doesn't know a thing about the rules or game strategy) pulls the rug out from under me .. wraps me up in that rug .. and then beats the fire out of the rug (and me) with a long-handled broom (so to speak).

I hate playing games.

Perhaps "hate" is too strong ... no .. I hate it. I really, really hate it.

I've never enjoyed participating in anything that uses cards, boards, fake money, or small "playing pieces" in the form of dogs, thimbles, irons or shoes. That's just the way I roll (which reminds me .. I don't care for dice, either).

However, I do love my wife (the winner of 'game night' last evening, btw .. no, I'm not bitter .. much) and my friends .. who love playing cards.

So .. pass me a Coke and some pretzels.

Got any eights?

".. and the people sat down to eat and to drink, and rose up to play." - Exodus 32:6b

It Is Here!!

... and that's all I've got to say about that.

"Fear not, nor be dismayed, be strong and of good courage." - Joshua 10:25a

Oh Danny Boy .. the Pipes .. the Pipes

In 1975 (the year I graduated from South Side High School .. I just wanted you to know I am edumacated) Steven Speilberg directed a horror/thriller film based on the Peter Benchley novel, Jaws.

This movie masterpiece (which can now be found in the $5 bin at Walmart .. like old music ministers, not everything increases in value with age) spawned a sequel, Jaws 2 (wow, the creativity of Hollywood never ceases to amaze me .. what a clever title) with a very famous tagline:

"Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water..."

Remember how just a few days ago there were major plumbing problems at the Hamilton house?

Well, just when we thought it was safe to go back using the water, my worst nightmare became reality (actually, my second worst nightmare .. I dreamed I worked for Microsoft once) .. the water started backing up in the house .. again.

While the washing machine was running (this is what happened the last time that monster reared its ugly head), the toilets started bubbling.

Blob, blob .. blob, blob .. blob, blob, blob, blob, blob, blob, blob, blob ..

It sounded just like John Williams' Jaws theme .. eerie.

To make a long story short (that's like a preacher saying, 'in conclusion' during a sermon .. it means nothing), I had to once again call a plumber .. we'll refer to him as 'Quint' (named after the shark-obsessed fisherman played by Robert Shaw) to come out and do his job .. his horrible, horrible job.

The nightmare is over .. for now.

However, if you recall there was a Jaws 3 .. and it was in 3-D.

Blob, blob .. blob, blob .. blob, blob, blob, blob, blob, blob, blob, blob ..

Noooooooooooo............!!!!!!!

"The deep waters have covered them." - Exodus 15:5a

Kev's Klip of the Week

LOVE YOU, DAD!

"For whom the LORD loveth he correcteth; even as a father the son in whom he delighteth." - Proverbs 3:12

I Admit It .. You Were Wright

Recently, one of my Facebook friends (we have an 'on again/off again' relationship .. FB and me .. not my friend and me) started using Steven Wright quotes for her status updates. Several people responded positively and she declared he was her "absolute favorite comedian."

Well, I challenged that (what am I .. chopped liver??) and she has now declared him her "absolute second favorite comedian" (I'm pretty sure she just rethought her answer .. there was no pressure from me).

As much as I would like to believe I'm not "second banana" (I was actually first clarinet .. after George Stutzman graduated), I have to admit the man IS funny.

So, even though the truth hurts (never say, 'When are you due?' to a large woman who happens NOT to be pregnant .. especially if you have a very low tolerance for pain .. and a very high deductible), here are some quotes from TWI's "absolute favorite PROFESSIONAL comedian" (that takes a little of the sting out of it).

• Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
• I intend to live forever - so far, so good.
• If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
• Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!
• What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
• I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
• If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
• The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
• Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
• The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
• A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
• If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
• Change is inevitable....except from vending machines.
• If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.
• I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
• Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
• 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
• I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, "Got any shoes you're not using?"

As I said, the man IS funny .. AND he helped me wright my blog today.

"That saith to the deep, Be dry .." - Isaiah 44:7a

Has Anyone Seen Joe the Plumber?

Let me preface today's post by saying I intended on writing about an encounter I had with several college/career students at The Humboldt Grill .. or just "The Grill" as the regulars call it .. after church yesterday. One of the young ladies .. I'll only use a first name so I won't embarrass her .. (it was Candra) made a particularly "off the wall" comment in response to something I said and I couldn't wait to share it on Monday's blog.

However, a lot changed between lunch and 3:30 PM on Sunday and I have decided to save the "Candra story" (she said she would only read my blog if I talked about her .. ever since she did that major network interview after the tornado, she loves being in the spotlight .. we are so different) for another time.

I was enjoying a short Sunday afternoon nap when Cheryl informed me the washing machine had flooded the laundry room (it's really more like a closet) and that none of the toilets would flush without overflowing.

Upon further investigation, I noticed water had also backed up into the bathtub and front shower.

I don't know much about plumbing, but I was pretty sure something was not quite right. So, with plunger in hand, I went straight to the back bathroom and made an attempt to unstop the toilet. I spent no less than thirty minutes trying to get the water level down.

No luck.

I turned my attention to the sink and after pouring a liberal (a difficult task for a die hard conservative) amount of Clorox bleach down the drain (an old trick I learned from Hazel .. the one that used to be at FBC .. not Shirley Booth .. that usually works), I plunged a while on the sink (yes it was the same plunger and yes .. that's gross).

Again, no luck.

I tried plunging the bathtub. I tried plunging the toilet in the middle bathroom and then the toilet in the front bath.

Several hours .. and blisters .. later, I was no better off than when I first started.

Also, now there was water seeping through the floor from the bathroom to the bedroom (evidently our shower does not have the Good Housekeeping 'Seal' of Approval) ).

By this time I was hot, sweaty, tired and frustrated.

Frustrated, because Sunday morning's message was on .. anger (thanks a lot, Justin).

Since this was in no way "righteous anger," I was determined to suck it up .. which by the way was what I ended up doing with most of the water on the floors.

I missed Sunday night church. I didn't make it to Handbell rehearsal and after all that work I still ended up calling a professional to finish the job.

It was all a very painful and costly experience.

On second thought, I should have told the "Candra story."

"I sink in deep mire, where there is no standing: I am come into deep waters, where the floods overflow me." - Psalm 69:2

Turning Back the Clock

Even with an extra hour's rest .. I still don't blog on Sundays.

Happy All Saints Day, everyone. I will return tomorrow.

"Sing unto the LORD, O ye saints of his, and give thanks at the remembrance of his holiness." - Psalm 30:4