What's Up, Doc?

A man walks into a doctor's office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear. "What's the matter with me?" he asks the doctor. The doctor replies, "You're not eating right"

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What's the difference between a general practitioner and a specialist? One treats what you have, the other thinks you have what he treats.

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Three doctors are in the duck blind and a bird flies overhead. The general practitioner looks at it and says, "Looks like a duck, flies like a duck... it's probably a duck," shoots at it but misses and the bird flies away.

The next bird flies overhead, and the pathologist looks at it, then looks through the pages of a bird manual, and says, "Hmmmm...green wings, yellow bill, quacking sound...might be a duck." He raises his gun to shoot it, but the bird is long gone.

A third bird flies over. The surgeon raises his gun and shoots almost without looking, brings the bird down, and turns to the pathologist and says, "Go see if that was a duck."

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A man goes to the eye doctor. The receptionist asks him why he is there. The man complains, "I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes." The receptionist asks, "Have you ever seen a doctor?" and the man replies, "No, just spots."

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A guy walks into a doctor's office and the receptionist asks him what he has. He says, "Shingles." So she takes down his name, address, medical insurance number and tells him to have a seat.

A few minutes later a nurse's aid comes out and asks him what he has. He says, "Shingles." So she takes down his height, weight, a complete medical history and tells him to wait in the examining room.

Ten minutes later a nurse comes in and asks him what he has. He says, "Shingles." So she gives him a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and tells him to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.

Fifteen minutes later the doctor comes in and asks him what he has. He says, "Shingles." The doctor says, "Where?" He replies, "Outside in the truck. Where do you want them?"

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"Is there no balm in Gilead; is there no physician there? why then is not the health of the daughter of my people recovered?" - Jeremiah 8:22