Git Along Little Dogies

Vacation Bible School starts this morning at FBC Humboldt and I'm happier than a tick on a fat dog (yes, I'm from the south) because I get to wear the silver-toed cowboy boots the choir gave me a few years ago (if you haven't already guessed .. it's a western theme).

Please pray daily for the boys and girls .. and workers .. especially the workers (we ride in to Saddle Ridge Ranch today at 9 and don't hit the trail until Friday at noon .. high noon).

The following is in honor of this week's theme...

One Sunday, a cowboy went to church. When he entered, he saw that he and the preacher were the only ones present. The preacher asked the cowboy if he wanted him to go ahead and preach. The cowboy said, "I'm not too smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I'd feed him." So the minister began his sermon. One hour passed, then two hours, then two-and-a-half hours. The preacher finally finished and came down to ask the cowboy how he had liked the sermon. The cowboy answered slowly, "Well, I'm not very smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I sure wouldn't feed him all the hay."

A devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a cow walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the cow's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, “It's a miracle!” “Not really,” said the cow. “Your name is written inside the cover.”

Political correctness is getting ridiculous. The other day I overheard a little boy say he was going to go play a game of Cattle Management Specialists and Native Americans.

Three cowboys were hanging out in the bunkhouse. "I know that smart aleck Tex," said the first. "He's going to start bragging about that new foreign car he bought as soon as he gets back." "Not Tex," the second cowboy replied. "He'll always be just a good ol' boy. When he walks in, I'm sure all he'll say is hello." "I know Tex better than either of you," said the third. "He's so smart, he'll figure out a way to do both. Here he comes now." Tex swung open the bunkhouse door and shouted, "Audi, partners!"

Head 'em up. Move 'em out!

"Then shalt thou delight thyself in the LORD; and I will cause thee to ride .." - Isaiah 58:14a

RevKev's Day Off

"Six days thou shalt work, but on the seventh day thou shalt rest." - Exodus 34:21a

Silly Song Saturday

"At the present time your plenty will supply what they need .." - II Corinthians 8:14a

Funny Foto Friday

"Wilt thou hunt the prey for the lion? or fill the appetite of the young lions." - Job 38:39

You Can Quote Me on That

"Take my wife...please"

"One-liners" are short/simple jokes usually delivered in a rapid-fire machine gun fashion.

Several comedians come to mind who use this method, but the King of the One-Liners (a title given to him by columnist, Walter Winchell) was Henny Youngman.

Since I am running a little behind schedule this morning (I still got up at 5:30 .. but my brain must have slept in), I am going to let him write today's post.

I hope you enjoy a good comedian .. for a change.

The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.

Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, "Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angeles, and send one to Miami." She said, "We can't do that!" I told her, "You did it last week!"

A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so he gave him another six months.

The doctor says, "You'll live to be 60!" "I AM 60!" "See, what did I tell you?"

A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, "Doc, how do I stand?" The doctor says, "That's what puzzles me!"

A man goes to a psychiatrist. "Nobody listens to me!" The doctor says, "Next!"

"Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears." "Don't answer!"

A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says, "Okay, let's get started."

I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, "Let's get up here before we get killed!"

The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.

A bum asked me, "Can you give me $10 till payday?" I asked, "When's payday?" He said, "I don't know, you're the one who is working!"

A bum came up to me saying, "I haven't eaten in two days!" I said, "You should force yourself!"

This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.

I was so ugly when I was born, the doctor slapped my mother.

A father is explaining ethics to his son, who is about to go into business. "Suppose a woman comes in and orders a hundred dollars worth of material. You wrap it up, and you give it to her. She pays you with a $100 bill. But as she goes out the door you realize she's given you two $100 bills. Now, here's where the ethics come in: should you or should you not tell your partner?"

They don't write 'em much like that anymore!

".. God hath made me to laugh, so that all that hear will laugh with me." - Genesis 21:6

Kev's Klip of the Week

A big THANK YOU to Facebook friend Steve Patterson for posting this on his "wall" yesterday (I'm not stealing .. just borrowing).

The guy reminds me a lot of Animal from The Muppets!

"Praise him upon the loud cymbals: praise him upon the high sounding cymbals." - Psalm 150:5

Happy Birthday, Oscar!

According to the official Sesame Street website (yes, I sometimes browse around there .. when barbie.com is running a little slow .. I'm with you Steve Jobs .. Flash is evil), today is Oscar the Grouch's birthday.

It is not only his birthday .. he is 41 years old (can you believe it?) .. and single (this just seems like a recipe for disaster since he hangs out on a street corner all day long around little kids .. oh, and by the way .. don't even get me started about Bert and Ernie).

If you look at Oscar's bio, you will find that he likes collecting junk (he would absolutely adore my office), standing in line (the next time Cheryl needs something from Wal-mart .. I know who I'm calling), arguing (he really should marry and have children .. he would be in 'hog heaven' .. wait, that's where Miss Piggy was headed .. until Kermit saved her bacon), and rainy days (welcome to West Tennessee, of late).

He dislikes all things nice and sweet (there's a reason he's called a grouch, you know) and his favorite expression is "SCRAM!" (you can see why he has so endeared himself to boys and girls all around the world .. what child wouldn't love a rude, irritating, green monster who reeks of garbage?).

His favorite food?

Anchovy milkshakes, of course (who doesn't like a large glass of ice cream flavored with a small, common salt-water forage fish .. yum).

Despite all his faults and idiosyncrasies, Oscar is a pet owner and this takes him up several notches in my book (of course when you live in a trash can .. that's not really saying a lot).

He has a worm named Slimey and a pet elephant called Fluffy.

Happy Birthday, Oscar.

Can you tell me how to get .. how to get to Sesame Street?

Fine. Don't tell me .. jerk!

".. that there be no complaining in our streets."

- Psalm 144:14b