Kev's Klip of the Week

Today's "Klip of the Week" is a commercial for EDS that first aired during the 2005 Super Bowl (it was my favorite that year).

I chose it for obvious reasons: it's cowboy week (Whiplash the Cowboy Monkey was a contender .. but he lost the coin toss).

Enjoy .. again.

"You said, 'No, we will flee on horses.' Therefore you will flee! You said, 'We will ride off on swift horses.' Therefore your pursuers will be swift!" - Isaiah 30:16

Don't Squat with Your Spurs On

The first day of Vacation Bible School went well (225 in attendance) and I am getting ready for day number two.

Speaking of number two, that is about the only element missing in Jaclyn's authentic VBS decorations.

There are saddles, horses, bridles, lariats, hitching posts, etc. scattered all around First Baptist Church .. just no "cow pies" (on second thought, I suppose I've 'stepped in it' enough in 35 years of ministry .. good call).

Today's blog post will continue the western theme for the week.

COWBOY QUOTES & TIPS

• Don't let your yearnings get ahead of your earnings.
• Never miss a good chance to shut up.
• Don't dig for water under the outhouse.
• The only good reason to ride a bull is to meet a nurse.
• If you climb in the saddle, be ready for the ride.
• Behind every successful rancher is a wife who works in town.
• The horse stopped with a jerk-- and the jerk fell off.
• Any cowboy can carry a tune. The trouble comes when he tries to unload it.
• When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don't be surprised if they learn their lesson.
• Always drink upstream from the herd.
• Generally, you ain't learnin' nothing when your mouth's a-jawin'.
• Tellin' a man to git lost and makin' him do it are two entirely different propositions.
• If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there with ya.
• The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back into your pocket
• Never approach a bull from the front, a horse from the rear or a fool from any direction.
• Don't worry about bitin' off more'n you can chew; your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger'n you think.

Gotta' ride. See you tomorrow!

"Be ye not as the horse, or as the mule, which have no understanding: whose mouth must be held in with bit and bridle .." - Psalm 32:9a

Git Along Little Dogies

Vacation Bible School starts this morning at FBC Humboldt and I'm happier than a tick on a fat dog (yes, I'm from the south) because I get to wear the silver-toed cowboy boots the choir gave me a few years ago (if you haven't already guessed .. it's a western theme).

Please pray daily for the boys and girls .. and workers .. especially the workers (we ride in to Saddle Ridge Ranch today at 9 and don't hit the trail until Friday at noon .. high noon).

The following is in honor of this week's theme...

One Sunday, a cowboy went to church. When he entered, he saw that he and the preacher were the only ones present. The preacher asked the cowboy if he wanted him to go ahead and preach. The cowboy said, "I'm not too smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I'd feed him." So the minister began his sermon. One hour passed, then two hours, then two-and-a-half hours. The preacher finally finished and came down to ask the cowboy how he had liked the sermon. The cowboy answered slowly, "Well, I'm not very smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I sure wouldn't feed him all the hay."

A devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a cow walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the cow's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, “It's a miracle!” “Not really,” said the cow. “Your name is written inside the cover.”

Political correctness is getting ridiculous. The other day I overheard a little boy say he was going to go play a game of Cattle Management Specialists and Native Americans.

Three cowboys were hanging out in the bunkhouse. "I know that smart aleck Tex," said the first. "He's going to start bragging about that new foreign car he bought as soon as he gets back." "Not Tex," the second cowboy replied. "He'll always be just a good ol' boy. When he walks in, I'm sure all he'll say is hello." "I know Tex better than either of you," said the third. "He's so smart, he'll figure out a way to do both. Here he comes now." Tex swung open the bunkhouse door and shouted, "Audi, partners!"

Head 'em up. Move 'em out!

"Then shalt thou delight thyself in the LORD; and I will cause thee to ride .." - Isaiah 58:14a

RevKev's Day Off

"Six days thou shalt work, but on the seventh day thou shalt rest." - Exodus 34:21a

Silly Song Saturday

"At the present time your plenty will supply what they need .." - II Corinthians 8:14a

Funny Foto Friday

"Wilt thou hunt the prey for the lion? or fill the appetite of the young lions." - Job 38:39

You Can Quote Me on That

"Take my wife...please"

"One-liners" are short/simple jokes usually delivered in a rapid-fire machine gun fashion.

Several comedians come to mind who use this method, but the King of the One-Liners (a title given to him by columnist, Walter Winchell) was Henny Youngman.

Since I am running a little behind schedule this morning (I still got up at 5:30 .. but my brain must have slept in), I am going to let him write today's post.

I hope you enjoy a good comedian .. for a change.

The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.

Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, "Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angeles, and send one to Miami." She said, "We can't do that!" I told her, "You did it last week!"

A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so he gave him another six months.

The doctor says, "You'll live to be 60!" "I AM 60!" "See, what did I tell you?"

A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, "Doc, how do I stand?" The doctor says, "That's what puzzles me!"

A man goes to a psychiatrist. "Nobody listens to me!" The doctor says, "Next!"

"Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears." "Don't answer!"

A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says, "Okay, let's get started."

I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, "Let's get up here before we get killed!"

The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.

A bum asked me, "Can you give me $10 till payday?" I asked, "When's payday?" He said, "I don't know, you're the one who is working!"

A bum came up to me saying, "I haven't eaten in two days!" I said, "You should force yourself!"

This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.

I was so ugly when I was born, the doctor slapped my mother.

A father is explaining ethics to his son, who is about to go into business. "Suppose a woman comes in and orders a hundred dollars worth of material. You wrap it up, and you give it to her. She pays you with a $100 bill. But as she goes out the door you realize she's given you two $100 bills. Now, here's where the ethics come in: should you or should you not tell your partner?"

They don't write 'em much like that anymore!

".. God hath made me to laugh, so that all that hear will laugh with me." - Genesis 21:6