Kev's Klip of the Week

I do realize that (1) Father's Day has already come and gone and (2) I seem to be on some type of "Rap Kick" of late.

However, I just discovered this clip and I really didn't want to wait until June of 2011 to share it with you.

Enjoy!

"The father of the righteous shall greatly rejoice: and he that begetteth a wise child shall have joy of him."

- Proverbs 23:24

I'll Be Back ... Wednesday

"At the time appointed I will return unto thee, according to the time of life, and Sarah shall have a son." - Genesis 18:14b

RevKev's Day Off

"Six days thou shalt work, but on the seventh day thou shalt rest." - Exodus 34:21a

Silly Song Saturday

"Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains, your justice like the ocean depths. You care for people and animals alike, O LORD." - Psalm 36:6

Funny Foto Friday

Mr. Beanie Baby??

"Cursed be the man who brought tidings to my father, saying, A man child is born unto thee." - Jeremiah 20:15a

It Comes in Spurts

In music ministry there are certain times of the year when I find myself running like a chicken with its head cut off (example, the Christmas season) and because there are not enough hours in the day, I usually meet myself coming and going and .. (insert your own cliché here).

Summer is not normally one of those times.

The months of June, July and August are naturally geared toward youth and children's activities because they have more free time on their hands when school is out, but choirs .. not so much (a perfect example is last night's rehearsal attendance .. it looked like the Rapture had occurred).

Music related activities may come to a standstill during the summer, but ministry needs continue all year long.

For me, today is "hospital day" (no, it's not a national holiday) and we have two members having surgery this morning .. one in Jackson and the other, Memphis. I will probably end up being a day late and a dollar short (why am I on this cliché kick??), but I'm going to try to see both.

If that is going to happen, I need to get off this computer immediately and get in the shower.

So .. I am.

"And as thy servant was busy here and there, he was gone." - I Kings 20:40a

Kev's Klip of the Week

Today's Klip of the Week is sure to "raise an eyebrow or two."

Strange commercial. Strange children. Just ... strange.

That makes it perfect for this blog!

"Send thine hand from above; rid me, and deliver me out of great waters, from the hand of strange children." - Psalm 144:7

Parting Is Such Sweet Sorrow .. Okay, Make That Just "Such Sorrow"

Cheryl and Megan will be leaving the sandy white beach of Destin, Florida this morning and returning to me, the (less than) handy white leech* (*noun, something that sucks out all the life) of Humboldt, Tennessee.

Doesn't seem fair, does it?

To quote The Office's Michael Scott, "That's what she (Cheryl) said."

As much as the girls hate to say goodbye to their vacation in paradise, it is time to get back to the real world of West Tennessee.

A world of 100 degree temperatures, no rain, and a relative humidity (is this how much 'kin folk' can sweat??) so thick, you need a ginzu knife to cut it.

A world where watering a yard full of flowers takes from 45 minutes to an hour .. every .. single .. day (I have gained a new appreciation .. and bewilderment .. for my wife, who willingly does this on a regular basis).

A world where there are no waves gently crashing on the shore .. only Daves (Bobs, Bills, Jacks, etc.) check-cashing at the store (just so you know .. even I groaned and rolled my eyes on that one).

A world where a guy .. who hates being alone .. will be anxiously waiting like a dog watching for his master to return at the end of the day.

After a long drive, their tails may be dragging .. but mine will be wagging!

Be careful .. just please hurry home (if you get here before dark, you can water the flowers...)

"Therefore let us not sleep, as do others; but let us watch and be sober." - I Thessalonians 5:6

Cooling Off ... Period

Summer has really gotten off to a great??? start.

It is going to be another "scorcher" here in West Tennessee today .. and tomorrow .. and .. all week, it appears.

According to the forecast, temperatures will reach 100 today. However, when you factor in 45% humidity, it will feel like it is 108 degrees.

If you live in Arizona and New Mexico, you expect these kind of temperatures (of course it is a dry heat .. just like .. in my oven). It is also commonplace in foreign lands ... like Jordan, Iraq, Saudi Arabia and .. Southern California.

But in Tennessee? In the month of June?

If you recall, it did the very same thing last summer.

I don't have a good memory (it's the first thing to go, they say .. the second is .. I don't recall what the second thing is .. let me get back with you on that one), but this blog has an archive (so you can relive each thrilling entry over .. and over .. and over, again) that I refer to from time to time and in June of 2009 I was also blogging about the hot weather (day after day of temperatures in the upper 90s).

We're having a heat wave .. a tropical heat wave.

Irving Berlin: musician and meteorologist.

"Therefore thus saith the LORD of hosts, Behold, I will melt them, and try them .." - Jeremiah 9:7a

A Father's Day "Shout-Out"

I LOVE YOU, DAD!

"Like as a father pitieth his children, so the LORD pitieth them that fear him." - Psalm 103:13

Silly Song Saturday

".. for two hundred men were too exhausted to cross the ravine." - I Samuel 30:10a

Funny Foto Friday

Intermission at the Dog Show.

" .. he who waters will also be watered himself."

- Proverbs 11:25b

All My Bags Are Packed, I'm Ready to Go

Well, Cheryl and Megan, two women who like to get their beauty rest and "sleep in" when at all possible (and occasionally, when it's not possible), were somehow able to rise "in the wee small hours of the morning" yesterday and be ready and waiting early for their 4:45 a.m. ride to arrive.

I suppose a "girl trip" to Destin, Florida (or destin-ation unknown, for that matter) is a strong motivator for these two (information that just might come in handy sometime in the future) and more effective than any alarm clock (they never even hit snooze .. not once) or encouraging word .. let's go!! .. let's go!! .. you're gonna be late!! .. from me.

There is just something exciting about taking a trip and leaving all your cares behind.

Too bad I'm one of those cares .. who can be a real pain in the behind!

The good news is they will come back refreshed, relaxed and ready to take on the world.

So, it is well worth it .. for them.

The bad news is they will come back refreshed, relaxed and ready to take on the real world, where I have been living all week .. restless, rankled, and resentful.

Can you tell I don't much like "batching" it?

"And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone .." - Genesis 2:18a

Kev's Klip of the Week

True Dat!

"And he brought the family .." - Joshua 7:17a

Here Today ... Gone Tomorrow

The plane leaving Wilmington was late yesterday .. again.. and Megan almost missed her connecting flight in Atlanta (this scenario sure sounds familiar). However, she did arrive in Nashville at 2:15 p.m. (thirty minutes later than scheduled), so I'm going to cut Delta Air Lines a little slack .. this one time.

Since Cheryl's parents were coming over for supper (and to see their granddaughter, of course), she needed to stay home and "get her/our house in order" .. plus prepare a delicious meal (Raving Ravioli .. a family favorite .. topped only by Stark Raving Mad Manicotti).

This meant I had two and a half hours of daddy/daughter time in the car on the way back to Humboldt (insert large grin here ___ ) and because Megan and I share a love of food and film, there were no uncomfortable pauses in the conversation on the way home (who would have thought you could talk about black beans and Battlestar Galactica all the way from Nashville to Humboldt??).

We arrived safely at 2705 Chere Carol Road around 5:15 p.m. (just forty five minutes before suppertime) and everyone got to "adore Megan" (something she has came to expect) for the remainder of the evening (I'm the one who is usually the center of attention around here, but since she doesn't get to be home that often, I let her have the limelight .. this one time).

Tomorrow morning, Meg and Cher are joining a few others for a "girls only" trip to the beach (no men allowed because .. they want to enjoy themselves!).

I get to stay home, fend for myself, keep the flowers watered for a week, and spend Father's Day all alone.

Somehow they didn't make it sound that bad when it was first explained to me!

"For he had one only daughter .." - Luke 8:42a

Delta Delays Daddy's Darling Daughter

I was really looking forward to seeing my daughter (she hasn't been home since Christmas) last night at 8:55 p.m. when I picked her up at the airport.

Unfortunately, that didn't and won't happen until today.

Yesterday afternoon (less than an hour before Cheryl and I were to leave for the Nashville International Airport), Megan called to say her flight from Wilmington had been delayed. This meant she would also miss her connecting flight (which was the last one of the day) to Nashville.

Her options were to spend Sunday night in Atlanta or wait until Monday and "try, try again."

She chose the latter.

Delta Air Lines has had several slogans over the course of their 80 plus year history:

• Speed, Comfort and Safety - 1929 (choose any two)
• Speed, Comfort and Convenience - 1930s (evidently safety was no longer an option)
• The Airline of the South - 1940 (Yankees ain't welcome)
• DELTA the Airline with the BIG JETS - 1959 (It's not so much about the size of the jets .. but what you do with them)
• Delta Is Ready When You Are - 1968-1984 (I don't think so .. I was ready yesterday)
• Delta Gets You There - 1984-1987 (Sit down, shut up and stop touching your brother)
• We Love to Fly and It Shows - 1987-present (We Love to Fly .. When We Want ... Guess We Showed You)

If everything goes as planned (or rather, planned B), I'll see "bg" (she will always be my 'baby girl') at 1:45 p.m. today.

If I get a call and find there as been yet another delay .. I'll be more than happy to suggest a new slogan.

Did I ever mention patience was not one of my virtues?

"And to the woman were given two wings of a great eagle, that she might fly .." - Revelation 12:14a

RevKev's Day Off

"Six days thou shalt work, but on the seventh day thou shalt rest." - Exodus 34:21a

Silly Song Saturday

Today's silly song is a perfect way to end "Cowboy Week" here on RevKev's blog.

I hope you enjoy this Pete Seeger tune .. done with a western flair.

"Cast me not off in the time of old age; forsake me not when my strength faileth." - Psalm 71:9

Funny Foto Friday

Modern day cowboys .. they ain't what they used to be!

"that I will accept nothing belonging to you, not even a thread or the thong .." - Genesis 14:23a

Never Kick a Fresh Cow Pie on a Hot Day

It is day four of our Saddle Ridge Ranch VBS at FBC Humboldt and it has been a great week.

Yesterday, several boys and girls "learned their ABC's" (Admit .. Believe .. Confess) and prayed to receive Christ as their personal Lord and Savior .. How exciting!!

Continue to pray for the children and workers. We close out on Friday.

__________

COWBOY COMPUTER SPECIALIST

• Log On: Making a wood stove hot

• Log Off: Too much wood on fire

• Monitor: Keep'n an eye on the wood stove

• Down Load: Gitten the farwood off'n the truck

• Mega Hertz: What ya git when ya git thrown offn yur horse

• Floppy Disk: Whatcha git from tryin to tote too much farwood

• RAM: That thar thang what splits the farwood

• Hard Drive: Gitten home in the winter time

• Windows: Whut to shut when its cold outside

• Screen: Whut to shut when its black fly season

• Byte: Whut dem dang flies do

• Chip: Munchies fer the TV

• Micro Chip: Whut's in the bottom of the munchie bag

• Modem: Whatcha do to the hay fields

• Dot Matrix: Ole Dan Matrix's wife

• Lap Top: Whar the kitty sleeps

• Keyboard: Whar you hang the dang truck keys

• Software: Dem dang plastic forks and knives

• Mouse: What eats the grain in the barn

• Mouse Pad: That's hippie talk fer where the mouse lives

• Main Frame: Holds up the barn roof

• Port: Fancy flatlander wine

• Enter: Notherner talk fer "C'Mon in y'all"

• Click: Whut you hear when you cock yer gun

• Double Click: When you cock the double barrel

• Reboot: Whut you have to do right before bedtime, when you have to go to the outhouse

"During the night I had a vision--and there before me was a man riding a red horse! He was standing among the myrtle trees in a ravine. Behind him were red, brown and white horses." - Zechariah 1:8

Kev's Klip of the Week

Today's "Klip of the Week" is a commercial for EDS that first aired during the 2005 Super Bowl (it was my favorite that year).

I chose it for obvious reasons: it's cowboy week (Whiplash the Cowboy Monkey was a contender .. but he lost the coin toss).

Enjoy .. again.

"You said, 'No, we will flee on horses.' Therefore you will flee! You said, 'We will ride off on swift horses.' Therefore your pursuers will be swift!" - Isaiah 30:16

Don't Squat with Your Spurs On

The first day of Vacation Bible School went well (225 in attendance) and I am getting ready for day number two.

Speaking of number two, that is about the only element missing in Jaclyn's authentic VBS decorations.

There are saddles, horses, bridles, lariats, hitching posts, etc. scattered all around First Baptist Church .. just no "cow pies" (on second thought, I suppose I've 'stepped in it' enough in 35 years of ministry .. good call).

Today's blog post will continue the western theme for the week.

COWBOY QUOTES & TIPS

• Don't let your yearnings get ahead of your earnings.
• Never miss a good chance to shut up.
• Don't dig for water under the outhouse.
• The only good reason to ride a bull is to meet a nurse.
• If you climb in the saddle, be ready for the ride.
• Behind every successful rancher is a wife who works in town.
• The horse stopped with a jerk-- and the jerk fell off.
• Any cowboy can carry a tune. The trouble comes when he tries to unload it.
• When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don't be surprised if they learn their lesson.
• Always drink upstream from the herd.
• Generally, you ain't learnin' nothing when your mouth's a-jawin'.
• Tellin' a man to git lost and makin' him do it are two entirely different propositions.
• If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there with ya.
• The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back into your pocket
• Never approach a bull from the front, a horse from the rear or a fool from any direction.
• Don't worry about bitin' off more'n you can chew; your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger'n you think.

Gotta' ride. See you tomorrow!

"Be ye not as the horse, or as the mule, which have no understanding: whose mouth must be held in with bit and bridle .." - Psalm 32:9a

Git Along Little Dogies

Vacation Bible School starts this morning at FBC Humboldt and I'm happier than a tick on a fat dog (yes, I'm from the south) because I get to wear the silver-toed cowboy boots the choir gave me a few years ago (if you haven't already guessed .. it's a western theme).

Please pray daily for the boys and girls .. and workers .. especially the workers (we ride in to Saddle Ridge Ranch today at 9 and don't hit the trail until Friday at noon .. high noon).

The following is in honor of this week's theme...

One Sunday, a cowboy went to church. When he entered, he saw that he and the preacher were the only ones present. The preacher asked the cowboy if he wanted him to go ahead and preach. The cowboy said, "I'm not too smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I'd feed him." So the minister began his sermon. One hour passed, then two hours, then two-and-a-half hours. The preacher finally finished and came down to ask the cowboy how he had liked the sermon. The cowboy answered slowly, "Well, I'm not very smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I sure wouldn't feed him all the hay."

A devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a cow walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the cow's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, “It's a miracle!” “Not really,” said the cow. “Your name is written inside the cover.”

Political correctness is getting ridiculous. The other day I overheard a little boy say he was going to go play a game of Cattle Management Specialists and Native Americans.

Three cowboys were hanging out in the bunkhouse. "I know that smart aleck Tex," said the first. "He's going to start bragging about that new foreign car he bought as soon as he gets back." "Not Tex," the second cowboy replied. "He'll always be just a good ol' boy. When he walks in, I'm sure all he'll say is hello." "I know Tex better than either of you," said the third. "He's so smart, he'll figure out a way to do both. Here he comes now." Tex swung open the bunkhouse door and shouted, "Audi, partners!"

Head 'em up. Move 'em out!

"Then shalt thou delight thyself in the LORD; and I will cause thee to ride .." - Isaiah 58:14a

RevKev's Day Off

"Six days thou shalt work, but on the seventh day thou shalt rest." - Exodus 34:21a

Silly Song Saturday

"At the present time your plenty will supply what they need .." - II Corinthians 8:14a

Funny Foto Friday

"Wilt thou hunt the prey for the lion? or fill the appetite of the young lions." - Job 38:39

You Can Quote Me on That

"Take my wife...please"

"One-liners" are short/simple jokes usually delivered in a rapid-fire machine gun fashion.

Several comedians come to mind who use this method, but the King of the One-Liners (a title given to him by columnist, Walter Winchell) was Henny Youngman.

Since I am running a little behind schedule this morning (I still got up at 5:30 .. but my brain must have slept in), I am going to let him write today's post.

I hope you enjoy a good comedian .. for a change.

The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.

Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, "Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angeles, and send one to Miami." She said, "We can't do that!" I told her, "You did it last week!"

A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so he gave him another six months.

The doctor says, "You'll live to be 60!" "I AM 60!" "See, what did I tell you?"

A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, "Doc, how do I stand?" The doctor says, "That's what puzzles me!"

A man goes to a psychiatrist. "Nobody listens to me!" The doctor says, "Next!"

"Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears." "Don't answer!"

A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says, "Okay, let's get started."

I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, "Let's get up here before we get killed!"

The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.

A bum asked me, "Can you give me $10 till payday?" I asked, "When's payday?" He said, "I don't know, you're the one who is working!"

A bum came up to me saying, "I haven't eaten in two days!" I said, "You should force yourself!"

This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.

I was so ugly when I was born, the doctor slapped my mother.

A father is explaining ethics to his son, who is about to go into business. "Suppose a woman comes in and orders a hundred dollars worth of material. You wrap it up, and you give it to her. She pays you with a $100 bill. But as she goes out the door you realize she's given you two $100 bills. Now, here's where the ethics come in: should you or should you not tell your partner?"

They don't write 'em much like that anymore!

".. God hath made me to laugh, so that all that hear will laugh with me." - Genesis 21:6