Kev's Klip of the Week

TABBY ALWAYS WANTED TO DO STAND-UP

"Now therefore stand and see this great thing, which the LORD will do before your eyes." - I Samuel 12:16

He Ain't Heavy .. He's Just Big Boned

Today is April 13.

On this date in 1796 the first elephant ever seen in the United States arrived from India (okay, Handel's Messiah also premiered in Dublin, Ireland .. but there are only a handful of oratorio 'funnies' .. there are tons of elephant jokes).

Like ...

What's red and white on the outside and gray on the inside?

Campbell's Cream of Elephant Soup

What weighs 5000 pounds and wears glass slippers?

Cinderelephant

Why did the elephant cross the road?

To squash the chicken on the other side

If you took away an elephant's trunk how would it smell?

Still pretty bad

How do you make instant elephant?

Open the package, add water and .. run

What's large and gray and goes around and around in circles?

An elephant stuck in a revolving door

What has six legs, three ears, four tusks and two trunks?

An elephant with spare parts

What did the cat say to the elephant?

Meow

What did the apple say to the elephant?

Nothing. Apples can't talk

What should you do with a green elephant?

Wait until it is ripe

What should you do with a red elephant?

Quit telling it dirty jokes

Who is the most famous male singing elephant?

Harry Elephante

Who is the most famous female singing elephant?

Elephants Gerald

And finally ...

What's the difference between an elephant and a plum?

Their color

What did Tarzan say to Jane when he saw the elephants coming?

Here come the elephants

What did Jane say to Tarzan when she saw the elephants coming?

Here come the plums .. she was color blind

Did I mention I heard most of these jokes when I was like .. in the third grade?

".. unmindful that a foot may crush them, that some wild animal may trample them." - Job 39:15

Monday Mourning

I don't like to be the bearer of bad news, but (for those of you who might not know) .. it's Monday.

With the possible exception of The Mamas and the Papas who .. for some strange reason .. found it to be "so good to me" (actually, by the end of the day John Phillips was 'cryin' all the time'), the mere mention of the word is met with scorn.

Of course this is understandable since the arrival of Monday means the end of our coveted week-end which is, as you know, universally "loved by millions" (much like Romanian pan flute artist, Zamfir).

Personally, I welcome this day of the week with open arms.

Our staff meets for most of the morning (from 9 o'clock to probably eleven or 11:30 .. we talk about Sunday's services, important calendar items and swap one-liners) then there is a community-wide (thin townspeople may attend, as well) prayer meeting downtown at 12:15.

At 1:30 PM, I lead an hour rehearsal with the SonShiners .. FBC's choir for "seasoned singers" .. and I usually stay around and "chew the fat" (occasionally there's some gristle) with the members for another 30 minutes or so.

This puts me back in my office by 3 o'clock where I spend the next hour returning the gazillion phone calls I received while I was in staff meeting, prayer meeting and choir.

The most difficult part of the day is appearing to be busy for the next hour. However, since I've been doing this for over 34 years .. that's not really a problem (I am a professional, you know).

Monday. I prefer to call it Fun day.

"Why stand ye here all the day idle?" - Matthew 20:6b

RevKev's Day Off

"Six days thou shalt work, but on the seventh day thou shalt rest." - Exodus 34:21a

Silly Song Saturday

Just in time for the allergy season (curse you, evil pollen).

Go ahead.

Sneeze until your heart's .. make that nose's .. content.

"Oh that my head were waters, and mine eyes a fountain of tears .." - Jeremiah 9:1a

Funny Foto Friday

"What is twisted cannot be straightened .. "

- Ecclesiastes 1:15a

iMac ... myMac

Once you go Mac .. you'll never go back.

Words to live by.

I have been purchasing Apple products since the early 90s.

I would have started in 1984 when the first Mac came out (On January 24th, Apple Computer will introduce Macintosh. And you'll see why 1984 won't be like '1984' .. that ad still gives me chills, tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat), but we couldn't afford a new computer and a new baby.

After our second child, we finally decided to bite the bullet and enter into the computer age (small children can only watch so many episodes of "Blues Clues, "Sesame Street," and "The Electric Company" .. we needed other ways to entertain them).

My first (you always remember your first) was a Performa 637CD.

We bought it at Sears with one of those "no interest for 12 months" promotions and it cost about as much as our car (this is both a commentary on how expensive computers were back then and how crappy our car was .. if there was a 'cash for clunkers' incentive at the time, they would have laughed and said 'take a hike').

This was the beginning of a "love affair" (Cheryl and I have an open marriage .. she knows my mistress is a Mac .. and it seems to work for us) that has continued for almost 20 years.

Today another "significant other" will come into my life when UPS delivers an iMac to First Baptist Church in Humboldt.

This will be the very first Mac in an office full of PCs and I'm just a little nervous.

I know some will stare. Others will whisper. Many won't understand.

However, deep down I know .. it can't be wrong when it feels so right.

I must go now.

I'm getting a little misty.

" .. let tears run down like a river day and night: give thyself no rest; let not the apple of thine eye cease."

- Lamentations 2:18b