"The first thing we do is kill all the lawyers."
That quote was made by "Dick the Butcher," the wisecracking villain (is that the pot calling the kettle black??) from Shakespeare's King Henry VI and it is totally inappropriate to use on August 31, "Love Litigating Lawyers Day."
Every profession has its share of critics.
However, attorneys appear to have more "haters" out there than Canadian pop singer, Justin Bieber (for the record ... he is a very close second).
Since some of the finest Christians I know happen to be lawyers, that is totally unfair.
On the other hand, there are a plethora of "lawyer jokes" flying around and this blog seems like the perfect place to let them land.
So... here goes (apologies to Griffin, Floyd and Dwight).
__________
Q: What do you get if you put 100 lawyers in your basement?
A: A whine cellar.
Q: Have you heard about the lawyers’ word processor?
A: No matter what font you select, everything comes out in fine print.
Q: What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
A: A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.
Q: When lawyers die, why don't vultures eat them?
A: Even a vulture has taste.
Q: Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?
A: Take your foot off his head.
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: How many can you afford?
Q: How do you tell if it is REALLY cold outside?
A: A lawyer has his hands in his own pockets.
Q: What is a criminal lawyer?
A: Redundant.
Q: What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?
A: Skeet.
Q: What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?
A: His partners.
Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A: His lips are moving.
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
A: The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
Q: How does a lawyer sleep?
A: First he lies on one side and then on the other.
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Three. One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
Q: What is black and white and looks good on a lawyer?
A: A doberman.
Two lawyers were walking along negotiating a case. “Look,” said one to the other, “let’s be honest with each other.” “Okay, you first,” replied the other. That was the end of the discussion.
__________
Isn't it a shame how 99% of the lawyers give the whole profession a bad name.
Since some of you read this blog before going to work, I'll stop there (these jokes only scratch the surface .. there are tons of them) so you won't be late.
Perhaps next time I'll feature "preacher jokes."
Bring a sack lunch.
"Assemble the people--men, women and children, and the aliens living in your towns--so they can listen and learn to fear the Lord your God and follow carefully all the words of this law." - Deuteronomy 31:12
2 comments:
Love it! I do know some lawyers who are honest and nice and try to do the right thing. Well, I say "some." Maybe its more like "one or two." Well I better quit.
oh brother... where do you get this stuff?!
Post a Comment