Monday, September 20, 2010

The Battle of the Sexes: An Unfair Fight

Thirty seven years ago on this day (September 20, 1973), tennis great, Billie Jean King (age 29) defeated former Wimbledon men's singles champ, Bobby Riggs (age 55) at the Houston Astrodome in a match (not made in heaven, btw) billed as "The Battle of the Sexes."

Once again...

Girls rule. Guys drool.

That is just how things are.

There are differences between men and women (yes, I am very perceptive... and observant). The sooner guys learn this, the better... for everyone.

Matt Groening (cartoonist, screenwriter, producer and creator of The Simpsons) points out some of these differences in an article entitled, "Men vs Women."

Here are a few excerpts:

Maturity
Women mature much faster than men. Most 17-year-old females can function as adults. Most 17-year-old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high school romances rarely work.

Comedy
Let's say a small group of men and women are in a room, watching television, and an episode of "The Three Stooges" comes on. Immediately, the men will get very excited; they will laugh uproariously, and even try to imitate the actions of Curly, man's favorite stooge. The women will roll their eyes and groan and wait it out.

Handwriting
To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship. They just chicken-scratch. Women use scented, colored stationary and they dot their "i's" with circles and hearts. Women use ridiculously large loops in their "p's" and "g's". It is a royal pain to read a note from a woman. Even when she's dumping you, she'll put a smiley face at the end of the note.

Bathrooms
A man has at most six items in his bathroom - a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in a typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

Groceries
A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes to the store and buys these things. A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are half a lemon and something turning green. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reaches the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter that the Clampetts' car on Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the 10-items-or-less lane.

Going Out
When a man says he is ready to go out, it means he is ready to go out. When a woman says she is ready to go out, it means she WILL be ready to go out, as soon as she finds her other earring, finishes putting on her makeup...

Cats
Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

Jewelry
Women look nice when they wear jewelry. A man can get away with wearing one ring, and that's it. Any more than that, and he will look like a lounge singer named Vic.

Plants
A woman asks a man to water her plants while she is on vacation. The man waters the plants. The woman comes home five days later, to an apartment full of dead plants. No one knows why this happens.

There, you have it guys.

Now do you see why we can never win... no matter what the circumstance?

Me neither.

Evidently, that's just the way God intended.

"It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman and in a wide house."
- Proverbs 25:24

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