Choose Wisely

I was never very good at sports (I know this will come as a shock to many of you). However, I did play a little kickball when I was a kid and the toughest (most humiliating) part was always choosing sides.

I certainly know how these poor guys feel.

But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should show forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light - 1 Peter 2:9

Coughing and Hacking .. Sounds Like a Bad Law Firm

Cheryl is at it again. She was "coughin' her head off" (not literally .. that would be gross, gruesome and 'Marie Antoinette-like') all night long. Choking on sinus drainage and once around 2:45 AM .. by my own hands (I'm sorry, I just couldn't take it anymore) is miserable and frustrating .. for everyone.

She (we) went through this a few weeks ago and , obviously, Cheryl has never really gotten over whatever ailment (that sounds like something Granny Clampett would say) she had then.

Shots and oral medication haven't seemed to help, so ... it's time for some home remedies (that really sounds like Granny Clampett). Here are a few I read about that are supposed to help treat a cough or cold.

• Before you go to bed, coat your feet with Vicks Vapor Rub and wear heavy socks (try to avoid getting up and going to the bathroom during the night .. it feels like you are stepping on a jellyfish)
• Mix water, honey, apple cider vinegar, ground ginger and cayenne pepper. Take by the teaspoon (your cough is instantly suppressed .. by the vomiting)
• Take a teaspoon of honey with a little bit of vodka or brandy (not very Baptist-friendly .. you may still cough .. you just don't care)
• Make a "tea" from water, ginger, lemon and garlic (the cough doesn't go away but at least your husband won't bother you)
• Take a strong laxative before bedtime (the cold may persist .. however, it makes you afraid to cough)

Hopefully, something will work.

She is in desperate need of a "nighttime, sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, stuffy head, fever, frustrated sleep-deprived husband, so you can rest medicine."

It's Winter .. Why Are the Days Getting Longer?

During the winter months, the days are usually shorter (it has something to do with the tilt of the earth's axis .. and getting older). However, that has not been the case .. of late.

My days are getting longer.

Last night, I spoke at a Lions Club banquet in Olive Branch, Mississippi. I had a 98 mile drive one way (actually, it was 98 miles the other way, too) and I got home late. However, the crowd was responsive (these days I feel successful when they don't 'boo' or throw things at me) and it was worth it.

The banquet theme was "Lion King/Mardi Gras" (Disney/debauchery .. does that really seem right? .. come to think of it, Pluto and Donald Duck don't wear pants .. those pervs) and they started out the evening with a guy in a lion costume leading a line of "bead-throwing, mask-wearing" paraders through the room.

I have to say, this was a new experience.

I'm usually at church banquets. At those gatherings the most exciting part for me is if we don't have to eat ham and green beans. If ham and green beans are on the menu, the best part is the invocation (that's 'the blessing' for all my Baptist readers) .. it's all downhill from there.

Next week I'm doing two more Valentine banquets. Fortunately, they are within a twenty five mile radius.

Unfortunately, they are both church banquets.

Does anyone want my green beans? I'll swap them for an extra roll.

Best Man? Not By a Long Shot

Singing in a mass choir (it could have easily been a 'mess' choir with over 200 singers trying to squeeze in to the confines of an undersized stage riser) last night at the Civic Center was a wonderful experience (thank you Dr. Chris Mathews and crew for your musical leadership).

I was on the last row and our chairs were only about six inches from the back edge. One false move and it could have been a disaster .. much like this:

A Singer Saved By Grace

Last night, some of the members (and I emphasize the word some .. not many .. or most) from our adult choir boarded the church bus and went to the Civic Center in Jackson for a Community Chorus rehearsal. We are joining singers from Englewood Baptist Church, Worst (make that 'First') Baptist in Jackson, West Jackson Baptist Church, Union University and a few "strays" tonight for a celebration service on the one year anniversary of the tornado that hit the campus of Union.

Remembering February 5: An Evening of Thanksgiving will feature a 200+ voice choir with orchestra, plus testimonies from students and others whose lives were changed by the tornado. According to the university president, Dr. David Dockery, the service will also include a time of recognition for the "dedicated efforts of first responders, community and church leaders, contractors, construction workers and all who went above and beyond the call of duty (there's that word again .. 'newbies' can search the archives to see what I'm talking about) to help rebuild and restore Union University."

Our church staff was on campus within thirty minutes of this disaster (I still needed a few chapel credits) and we saw things "up close and personal." Fifty one students were hospitalized that night, but no one was killed.

It really was a miracle.

There was $40 million in damage to the campus with 70 percent of student housing being destroyed. One year later, everything is almost back to "normal" and the university has 14 new buildings (they were completed by the Fall semester in September .. amazing!!).

Cheryl and I were able to house a "displaced" student (one of our church watch-care daughters, Danielle) from February to May and that was a wonderful experience (it was great having someone to boss around, again .. hearing 'I hate you and I wish I'd never been born' .. brought back so many fond memories).

After tonight, the "tornado chapter" from Union's history should be closed.

It's time to look ahead .. and not a moment too soon.

Is it me or was Dr. D starting to look and sound just a little like Jerry Falwell?

Have Kids .. Will Travel

Jaclyn (our Minister to Families of Preschoolers and Children) is leaving this morning for a children's conference. She says she's going because of her deep love for boys and girls and a desire to share Christ more effectively with them and their families. I think we all know the REAL reason ....

I Can Hear the Music .. Could You Keep It Down a Little, Please?

February is here and it has arrived as a whirlwind with a vengeance (much like my stomach after a bag full of Krystals or 'gut bombs' as I like to call them).

In the world of stand up comedy, this second month of the year is probably the most popular time for banquets at civic organizations and churches, so .. it's very busy for guys like me (stand up wannabes).

This is a good thing in terms of supplemental income (last month's utility bill was the highest I have seen in all my fifty one years .. it's either doing comedy or I'm going to have to start delivering pizzas on the side). This is a bad thing in terms of juggling outside speaking engagements with my regular (sometimes, large/extra large) church related responsibilities.

I'm not complaining.

The Lord has been very good to me. He has sent many people my way with invitations for me to do my "thang." Most don't really know what my "thang" is. They DO know I don't have a set fee (I've mentioned this before) so, I get many opportunities that wouldn't normally be offered to me. The downside is .. I stay very busy, sometimes have to drive long distances, and don't always make enough to warrant doing so.

The upside is .. I get to meet a lot of different people who haven't heard my old, tired stories a million times and they (occasionally) laugh.

Making someone smile or laugh is one of life's greatest pleasures (when you're over fifty, that's about as good as it gets).

Making someone smile or laugh AND getting "just a small token of our appreciation" is one of life's greatest pleasures PLUS .. "just a small token of our appreciation."

The rush is on.

There may not be much "gold in them there hills" (sometimes I don't get enough to cover gas .. the other kind .. not the kind I get from eating at Krystal) but, I do get an adrenaline rush every time I'm in front of a crowd.

Live and on stage in February at a theater near you .. RevKev.

Check local listings. Some restrictions (stuff Cheryl won't let me say) may apply.