Time Flies When You're ... Old

It is the last day of February for 2009 and I can't believe how quickly the days are passing.

When I was a kid (in the chronological sense .. I'm not referring to my day to day adolescent behavior), it seemed like time stood still, especially if you were waiting for a special day/time like Christmas, Easter, Spring & Summer break, 3 o'clock Monday through Friday .. it was an eternity.

Fast forward several years (okay, several, several years).

Clock hands (for my younger readers .. there was a time when clocks were not digital and used a 'big hand' and 'little hand' .. sort of like a sun dial .. to tell time) spin fast enough I could use my old Westclox "Big Ben" as a box fan. The pages seem to fly off my calendar like they do to represent the "passing of time" on the television or movie screen.

Getting older is NOT for the faint of heart.

I ran in to an old college buddy of mine last week. He is married to a younger woman (when Cheryl hit forty I joked about trading her in for two twenties .. she said I wasn't wired for 220 .. we're still together) and they are expecting .. for the first time.

He is well into his fifties and this is going to involve quite a few .. changes (note the clever play on words .. I amuse myself .. and ONLY myself, sometimes).

His doctor (who was older and had gone through this same scenario) told him it was a "piece of cake." Since older men get up three or four times during the night anyway to go to the bathroom .. just check in on the baby.

Sleepers, awake!

Me and My Big Mouth

Yesterday, I was one of the guests (former FBC Humboldt MoM, Ricky Clark was the other .. not to be confused with 'the others' in LOST .. ABC, Wednesdays at 9 PM Eastern/ 8 PM Central) on "Real Life," Supertalk FM 97.7 in Jackson.

"Real Life with Ben and Brad" (actually, Ben wasn't there .. coward) can be heard on Thursdays from 10-11 AM and features the Pastor (Ben) and Worship Minister (Brad) of Englewood Baptist Church, which incidentally, I served when I was a student at Union University (this was never mentioned on the show .. in fact, I had to sign a waver not to bring up my past association with EBC .. something about pouring salt in a wound???).

The three of us "talked shop" .. the ups and downs of being in the ministry (sometimes, the downs and downs of being in the ministry) .. and the one hour show just flew by.

Brad and Ricky sounded so professional and .. spiritual.

I sounded .. like one of those people they interview on the news who just lost their mobile home to a tornado (except .. I was less articulate).

There was an opportunity to put a "plug" in for the blog and according to my hit counter, "Real Life with Ben and Brad" has about the same kind of following as RevKev's blog (my server didn't get 'slammed' trying to accommodate all the new traffic generated by my appearance on the show) OR after hearing me, people blocked my site.

We did receive one "call in" from a former South Side High School classmate who recognized my name.

Apparently, I borrowed lunch money from him a couple of times and he wants it back .. with a small interest fee.

Let's see .. $4 at twenty percent .. over the course of 35 years ..

I'm going to need a calculator.

I Promise to Tell the Truth, the Whole .. (Let's Just Leave It at That)

Well, the old "blog odometer" rolled over 20,000 yesterday (when you go back to check your own web page multiple times during the day, like a 'best of the 60s and 70s' radio station' .. the hits just keep coming).

This brings me to today's topic (sort of): truth in advertising.

Tom T. Kitty, the "donut obsessed feline" who likes to leave comments from time to time, questioned the authenticity of those numbers after Tuesday's post and the question was valid.

According to the summary page of my hit counter, there have actually been (as of this morning) 9027 "unique visitors" to RevKev's little piece of the world wide web (thanks again, Al Gore for inventing the internet .. our lives have been deeply enriched by your labors).

Unique visitors. Now, THAT has to be one of the best descriptions I've ever heard (or read, actually).

Those of you who follow this blog religiously (I am in the ministry, you know) should certainly be classified as "unique" (a few other words .. like warped and certifiable .. come to mind, as well) just to come back here on a regular or semi-regular basis.

Don't misunderstand. I love "the crazies." In fact, I are one (if you haven't noticed).

You help fulfill my "lust for laughter" (if you think about people laughing .. committing amusement in your heart .. but they don't, is that still wrong?) and I couldn't do this without you.

The counter will never give an accurate assessment of exactly how many of you are out there.

I just know if you read RevKev's blog (and 'get it'), you ARE definitely .. "out there."

Wednesday .WMV or Midweek .MOV

It is always a challenge trying to find the time to blog on Wednesday mornings before I head out the door to my men's prayer group at 7 o'clock. So .. starting today, I will be posting a short video every Wednesday.

It may be humorous .. it may not (just like any other day around here).

I hope you enjoy today's clip. If you don't .. too bad.

I've Been Hit!

Looking at the "hit counter" at the bottom of my blog page, I should reach 20,000 sometime this week (Lord willing .. and 'the creek don't rise'). This is both perplexing (why would anyone read this stuff?) and disturbing (it's like coming up on a bad train wreck .. you want to look away .. you just .. can't).

When I started this little blog of mine (I'm gonna let it shine), I had no idea what to expect or where it would lead. I did know I was able to go on and on for hours at a time without really saying anything (I like to hear myself talk, I suppose) OR I can spend at least thirty minutes or so saying the very same thing over and over and over and over and over (the repeated phrases are for emphasis .. please don't post a comment .. I meant to do that) and over and over (getting old, isn't it?) and over again.

This is annoying to Cheryl and, now that I've seen it in writing, I must admit .. I've kind of gotten on my own nerves.

However, the facts speak for themselves. The numbers don't lie.

You like me. You really like me!

Thanks for your support. It's because of you, my loyal fan base, that I continue doing what I do .. every single day (except Sunday, of course).

I sure hope you are able to live with that kind of guilt.

Looks Can Be Deceiving

I remember hearing this joke as a kid (no, it's not .. what did the big chimney say to the little chimney? .. that is a classic, however). Since I'm always looking for new material for my "little dog and pony show," as Frank Christie calls it .. let me know if you laughed (or even smiled just a little .. I grasp at straws, sometimes .. heard any good 'knock, knock jokes' lately?).

Mary Jane was walking through the cow pasture one day and she saw a fly sitting on a pile of manure. Well, Mary Jane just laughed and laughed. She knew that fly couldn't do all that.

Things are not always as they appear.

Saturday night after the Upward Basketball and Cheerleading Awards Night (okay, during the Upward Basketball and Cheerleading Awards Night .. I cut out early) at church, I stopped by McDonald's to get a Southwest Salad (with grilled, not fried chicken) "to go" (which, by the way, I did at about 2 o'clock in the morning).

I was fairly dressed up for "fast food" at 8 PM on a Saturday evening and I suppose I stuck out like a sore thumb because one of the girls behind the counter kept eyeing me (I did look particularly 'fine' that night .. earlier, a Walmart greeter winked .. I think the name tag said 'George' .. I'll be avoiding that entrance from now on).

She finally spoke up and asked who I was and what I did (sounds like the title of a teen slasher/thriller). She continued to say that I .. looked important.

I couldn't help but smile. Here was a perfect stranger who was .. dead on. Uncanny!

I am important .. and so are you.

Scripture tells us: "But the very hairs of your head are all numbered" - Matthew 10:30.

This may not seem all that impressive to someone who is "follically challenged" (hair today .. gone tomorrow). However, when you look at, say, the two Dunlap boys (sometimes I get tears in my eyes and it hurts just a little .. Lord, couldn't You have redistributed some of that hair to the less fortunate .. like me??), you can see this is no small task.

God knows you in complete detail.

Feel important?

A Long Time Ago in a Galaxy Far, Far Away ...

This is a tribute to the music of John Williams. Some of you may have seen this (even if you have, it's worth a second look), but for those who haven't ...

Hey, Corey. We rehearse on Wednesdays at 6:45 PM, if you are interested. I could use four more guys.

Playing Possum

When I first came to Humboldt, one of our members invited me to attend a men's "Game Supper" at the church. I had only been at First Baptist for about two weeks and most of the people didn't know me very well .. yet.

When I arrived at the fellowship hall on that Tuesday night, I had brought Twister, Battleship, Sorry, and Monopoly. I can still see Ben Murdock standing by the kitchen area with a toothpick in his mouth when he said, "What ya got there, buddy?"

I replied, "You said you were having a game supper. Where do I put these games?"

Since I had moved to Humboldt (small town) from Memphis (big city), he thought, perhaps, I really didn't know what I was attending. He went on to explain how the guys killed (insert your critter of choice) and cooked them for a big "guy gathering."

I never let on I was joking and (like many in the audience at most of my banquet gigs) he never knew I was joking.

Tonight, there is a ladies' "Game Night" at FBC. Cheryl is going and it would be appropriate to take Twister, Battleship, Sorry, and Monopoly.

I'm trying to convince her to carry an oven-roasted raccoon.

Wrong Place/Wrong Time

Wednesdays are always jam-packed with men's prayer group, snack time with the librarians (sounds like a children's show on PBS), preparing for rehearsals, and working on Sunday's music. If anything extra is added to the mix, I tend to get a little stressed.

Several weeks ago, I received some information about a seminar called "Preparing for Retirement" that was being sponsored by the Tennessee Baptist Convention. Since I've seen my retirement fund drop like a bad Macy's Thanksgiving Day balloon (I have to quit looking at those quarterly statements .. appropriately named because I've lost about 1/4 of what I had) over the past several months and Cheryl said I had to, I planned on attending.

I mentioned the seminar to Bro. Steve, who was also interested, and he made the call to get our names on the list (when he inquired about the time of the meeting, they told him it started at ten o'clock).

So ... I had breakfast with my men's group (Next Door Savior is a great book, by the way) at 7 o'clock, met my dad at 8:15 (he had his truck and came over to help pick up some lawn clippings one of my senior adults had saved for Cheryl's compost pile .. Gus, please don't leave any more messages on my answering machine saying, 'I have seven bags of the finest grass you've ever seen' .. someone could get the wrong idea), got back to the office at 8:45 to work briefly on Children's Choir music (I had combined choirs, grades 1-6, and that requires extra planning .. .. large age span .. thanks workers for your assistance last night .. you done good) and Steve and I left at 9:30 for the meeting.

To make a long story .. even longer, we sat through a presentation that focused primarily on tax laws for ministers. About fifteen minutes before twelve, the speaker announced he would be sharing retirement information from 1:30 to 3:30 PM.

We had spent two hours on the busiest day of my week .. at the wrong seminar.

Since neither one of us could spare the time to spend the day in Jackson, Steve and I returned to Humboldt and I had to tell Cheryl I was still not prepared for retirement.

However, I can help if anyone needs assistance with their W-9.

I ♥ Jesus

This video has been making the rounds (I received it in an email and it was posted on Facebook). Just in case you haven't seen it ...

"But I have trusted in thy mercy; my heart shall rejoice in thy salvation." - Psalm 13:5

Little Person, Big World

I want to send out a birthday greeting to Boots Lam (one of our church librarians at FBC) who is ninety four years "young" today.

Because she doesn't have a computer (she still uses a manual typewriter), someone will have to tell her she is the subject of today's blog (someone will also have to tell her what a blog is .. just forget it .. this is already getting too complicated).

If you look up the term "little old lady," you will find a picture of Boots (she's kind of a cross between a munchkin from the Land of Oz and .. Yoda from Star Wars .. going to kill me, she is).

She's a tiny little thing and I admit that has given me plenty of material over the years to "burn her" during snack (a ten o'clock on Wednesday break time for church staff/library ladies, that has been going on .. since the dawn of time).

I have teased her about being the same size as the day-care children.

I have teased her about not being able to see over the top of her desk without sitting on a stack of books.

I have teased her about being required, by law, to use a booster seat when she is in a moving vehicle.

At her 90th birthday celebration, I played "These Boots Are Made for Walking," sang an age-related parody on "Happy Birthday," and gave her a box of dirt (so there would be something at the party older than she was).

I have poked, prodded, taunted, and jabbed .. constantly .. for almost ten years, because .. she is slow and can't catch me .. AND .. I love her, dearly.

Happy Birthday, Boots.

"Because He hath set his love upon me ... because He hath known my name ... with long life will I satisfy Him ..." - Psalm 91:14, 16

I Can Not Tell a Lie .. It's Presidents Day

Presidents Day (in it's original form) was in commemoration of George Washington's birthday in 1796 (it was a surprise party and he didn't suspect a thing .. you should have seen the look on his face when everyone jumped out and yelled, 'SURPRISE' .. he nearly dropped his wooden teeth!!)

By the early 1800s, Washington's birthday was a national holiday.

Abraham Lincoln, a little "late for the party" (sadly, 'on time' for the play) got in on the action in 1865 when both houses of Congress gathered for a memorial address. His birthday did not become a federal holiday like Washington's, but it did become a legal holiday (as opposed to the many illegal ones that plague our Nation and threaten the moral fabric .. a cotton/poly blend .. of today's society) in several states.

In 1971, President Richard Nixon (who, unlike Washington, evidently COULD tell a lie) proclaimed one single federal holiday, Presidents Day (the third Monday of February), honoring all past Presidents of the United States of America (it was really an attempt to diffuse a volatile situation on Mount Rushmore .. jealousy was beginning to rear its ugly head(s) .. Theodore Roosevelt was giving Lincoln a stone-cold stare and Thomas Jefferson wouldn't even look in the same direction as Washington).

Thank you, former Presidents of these United States.

Because of your great contribution in American history .. our children are out of school and we can get a really good deal on 600 thread count, 100 % cotton sheets.

I love this country.

Nothing to See Here .. I'm Off On Sunday

Cheryl, You Complete Me (I Just Made That Up)

If It Weren't for Bad Luck, I'd Have No Luck At All

Today is Friday.

Friday the .. 13th (click to cue scary music), a day associated with bad luck (very bad luck if you're a group of teenage counselors at Camp Crystal Lake .. Betsy Palmer was so sweet on I've Got a Secret .. what happened? .. guess she lost her head).

I've never placed much stock in silly superstition (serious superstition, yes .. but not the silly kind).

As a kid I do remember walking down the sidewalk and avoiding every crack (I didn't want to be responsible for breaking my mother's back .. that's just too much guilt for a child to bear .. thankfully, I'm past my 'childbearing' years).

I never walked under a ladder (a falling house painter could maim or kill a small child) nor crossed the street if a black cat ran in front of me.

I don't really believe all that stuff, but .. why take chances? So ...

I carry a rabbit's foot (not so lucky for the rabbit) and four-leaf clover in my pocket during the day (at night they sit on a table by my bed .. next to my horseshoe and garlic cloves)

I never open an umbrella in the house (nothing to do with luck .. mother just had a thing about umbrellas in the house .. we couldn't even use Morton salt).

I'm very careful when handling mirrors (the music ministry has been tougher the last seven years and I don't need to buy any more trouble).

I don't pick up toads (even though they are rich in vitamin P) and I don't do windows (this is not related to luck .. I just don't do windows).

An Apple a day may keep the doctor away, but that was getting too expensive (I have a laptop, a few desktops, several ipods, an iphone, etc.). Maybe I'll find a "pot of gold" soon.

Proverbs 16:33 says: "The lot is cast into the lap, but its every decision is from the LORD."

This verse assures us things aren't just left to chance.

Lucky for me.

Give the Winds a Mighty Voice

With winds like nothing I've ever experienced before, yesterday's trip to Reelfoot was .. different, to say the least (of course I've never been one to 'say the least').

First, I usually call ahead to set up a guided tour (eagle watch) with the park. However, since we've been about a gazillion (maybe even a bazillion) times, I thought we could save $5 per person (these are hard economic times) by "going it" alone.

When we got to the Air Park, our usual starting point (because that's where the guides are .. and they have restrooms), there was no one there but workers cleaning up after the fire that destroyed almost everything .. five months earlier.

Oops.

Now, I have a bus full of senior adults who are thirsty and desperately need to "go" (full bladder + bouncing bus = accident waiting to happen) and they have just learned we must travel another 25 miles to the Welcome Center to "re-water and de-water."

Fortunately, everything "came out alright."

Unfortunately, since the winds were so strong (I'm talking about outdoors, now), there was not an eagle in sight .. unless you count the two outside the Welcome Center in a large caged area and the ceramic ones in the gift shop .. which I am (sure, we saw several eagles on our trip).

The food at Boyette's was delicious and .. totally unhealthy (I took a whole week's worth of my cholesterol medicine before going to bed last night). Everything was battered and deep fried (even the eating utensils!!) and you could almost feel your arteries closing up just a little with every bite.

Now, that's living (he was a good man .. doesn't he look natural?).

Driving home, Gus (our driver .. hop on the bus, Gus) had to really "fight" the wind (still talking about outside .. for the most part .. I sat right behind him) all the way back to Humboldt. Holding the big Bluebird steady was no easy task (I really think I saw a cow blow across the road in front of us at one point), but we made it back to 3400 Mitchell Street in one piece.

I think all the extra weight from our lunch meal helped stabilize things.

Now, that's "taking one for the team."

Fly Like An Eagle

Weather permitting (at this writing the wind is fierce and they .. whoever they are .. are calling for strong storms all morning), I am taking a group of senior adults to see the eagles this morning at Reelfoot Lake.

We schedule this outing every Spring and no matter what day we choose (in February or March), there is some type of weather crisis.

One year it was snowing.

On another occasion there was freezing rain/sleet and ice.

Today .. I really know how to pick 'em (no, I don't refer to the Farmer's Almanac and try to find the nastiest day of the year .. though it does appear that way), don't I?

Yesterday morning we began with thirty six signed up. By the end of the workday (5 o'clock is the official time .. I 'lost interest' well before 3:30 PM) we had dropped seven.

Who knows what our numbers will be by eight o'clock today (8:00 o'clock is really 7:45 AM in senior adult time .. it's quite complicated and requires a chronograph watch and calculator to compute .. somehow they end up with more than 24 hours in a day).

Hopefully, we will have enough to go on as planned.

Lunch is "all you can eat" catfish/ham/chicken with the trimmings at Boyette's.

That should be worth braving a little thing .. like 60 mph winds.