The Cat's Out of the Bag

In the world of computers and technology I've never been what they refer to as an "early adopter" (evidently neither are Greg and Sheila, bless their hearts .. maybe this adoption fiasco is almost over), being the first on the block to have the latest and greatest.

I did stand in line on "opening day" when the iPhone 3G came out last year, but please remember that was the second generation version. There's a difference.

If anything, I wait until just after the new model comes out (that Heidi Klum .. five foot, eight and a half inches tall .. four feet of that is legs) to purchase the "end of life" version .. the best bang for the buck (I understand bangs are 'in' this year in the male deer community).

Since Apple's new OS .. that's 'operating system' for you non-technical folk .. (Snow Leopard) is due out in September, it only seemed fitting that I finally upgrade my operating system (Tiger) to the current version (Leopard).

Of course, I used to think Panther was the cat's meow, but as newer software started being developed it was clear by the "minimum requirements" .. that cat had been declawed.

Last night I pounced on Leopard and, so far, it hasn't come back to bite me.

What's next .. Ocelot? Cougar? Tabby?

There are still several more varieties of the feline family from which to choose.

Me?

I'm staying with Leopard for a while .. as long as it runs fast and keeps purring smoothly.

Gotta go wolf down some breakfast. Later.

"And the living creatures ran and returned as the appearance of a flash of lightning." - Ezekiel 1:14

Good Morning, Americans .. It's Monday

I can't believe it's Monday again! Didn't we just have one of those .. last week?

While searching for a picture for today's post (btw, I spend more time trying to find the 'perfect pic' than actually writing this stuff .. shocking, isn't it?), I stumbled upon a cartoon of the word "Monday" lying on a psychiatrist's couch next to the doctor who had pencil and pad in hand. The caption read, "Everybody hates me!"

Why do we have so much disdain for one little day of the week?

Wouldn't it be better to direct that anger at something far more horrible .. like lawyers, tax collectors or music ministers who never pick your favorite hymn .. or even worse .. never pick a single hymn?

What did Monday ever do to deserve this type of shabby treatment?

1) It is always consistent (every seven days you can count on it being there .. check a calendar if you don't believe me). 2) It is the first day of the week (okay, Sunday should deserve that honor .. however, most people consider it a part of the weekEND .. a time where they do exactly what they want .. as demonstrated by yesterday's church attendance) and everyone likes being first. 3) On occasion, Monday is turned into a holiday (Memorial Day, Labor Day, etc.), resulting in a three day weekend.

What's not to love?

Monday. So underappreciated .. and misunderstood.

Join me tomorrow as we discuss what it feels like to be "number two."

It's about Tuesday .. gutter mind.

"This is the day which the LORD hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it." - Psalm 118:24

Sunday: A Day of Rest .. from Blogging

"And withal they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house; and not only idle, but tattlers also and busybodies, speaking things which they ought not." - I Timothy 5:13

Reunited and It Feels So Good

The trip I had to make to Memphis yesterday proved to be a productive one.

My MacBook Pro (which had been sent in to replace a faulty graphics card) was ready for pick up so I also made an appointment at the "Genius Bar" (Apple's name for their tech support area .. and btw, don't walk up and say, 'Hey genius, tell me what's wrong with this' .. they can be offended easily) to repair a broken "ring silence button" on my iPhone.

I had an 11:45 appointment with one of the geniuses .. uh make that tech guys .. so I arrived at the Apple Store about thirty minutes early to "ooh" and "ah" a bit over all the "goodies."

Every time I go to the Apple Store I'm just like a kid in a candy shop .. of course the "candy" there is more expensive and if you grab a "piece" and try to run out the door, they call the police and STILL call your mom .. totally not worth it.

Upon arrival I reported to the "Concierge" (who's really like a Wal-Mart greeter .. except about forty years younger .. Apple really knows how to "class up" things .. I bet they could even make poop seem exotic) who checked me in and called someone in the back (this would normally be a 'stockboy' .. I'm not sure of his 'Jobs ordained' title, however) to retrieve my repaired (at no charge) laptop.

The MacBook Pro came out with a new logic board and some new memory (a two gig stick of RAM) which was evidently causing a Kernel Panic (the Mac equivalent to Microsoft's 'blue screen of death' .. not to be confused with Colonel Paneck, the military leader).

One down. One to go.

My iPhone 3G will be a year old on July 11 (I was number ten in line on 'opening day' .. see that post in the archives if you want to relive it with me) and I was prepared for them to do an in-store repair to replace the broken button. However, I wasn't prepared for what was in store.

They gave me a new phone. That's right. A new phone.

For my money (oh, wait .. it didn't cost a dime) Apple has the finest customer service, bar none.

Make that .. GENIUS bar none.

"Behold, the former things are come to pass, and new things I do declare" - Isaiah 42:9

MacBook Pro .. Where Have You Bean?

This is going to be short and sweet. I have to go to Memphis this morning.

Today I am doing the "happy dance" even though I know this is inappropriate behavior for any Baptist and doubly bad if you are in the ministry.

I can't help it.

The "Prodigal Pro" (MacBook Pro .. that is) will be returning home after a week away at an Apple Service Center where they replaced a bad Nvidia graphics card (a known issue with this particular model).

The very same week Cheryl was out of town, I had to also part with my beloved laptop.

Which one did I miss the most?

That's not a fair question.

They are both apples  of my eye.

".. let not the wife depart from her husband."

- I Corinthians 7:10b

It's Summertime

Everyone is talking about the weather, but no one seems to be doing anything about it.

I know that has certainly been the case around these parts (that sounded like something Gabby Hayes or Yosemite Sam might say .. 'dagnabit'). It has been hotter than a snake's hind end in a wagon rut (I must be going through some type of 'cowboy stage' .. there's one leaving in five minutes .. that sounded like a line spouted by Festus on Gunsmoke).

If you are a "summer person," the month of June has been a dream come true (once I dreamed I fell asleep on the platform at church. When I awakened .. I had. I did some quick thinking, said AMEN really loudly and we continued with the service).

With the soaring temperatures, it's like a tropical paradise (without the beautiful ocean, sand and palm trees .. of course) out there.

High humidity? No sweat for all you sun-worshipers.

However, for those of us who are .. sane (okay, that may be up for debate when it comes to me), there is plenty of sweat (if I wanted my underwear to be soaking wet I'd drink three or four glasses of water before bedtime and take a sleeping pill).

Although today's temperature is supposed to reach 96° degrees, the forecast calls for only 49% humidity.

In West Tennessee that's known as a "dry heat."

"They are all hot as an oven." - Hosea 7:7a

Kev's Klip of the Week

"And, thou son of man, thus saith the Lord GOD; Speak unto every feathered fowl ..." - Ekekiel 39:17a

An Oldie .. but a Goodie

On July 19 and 26 our SonShiners will be combining with the senior adult choir from First Baptist Church from Bolivar, Tennessee to present, "Homeward Bound" (the title should be sufficient in explaining the subject matter .. no, it's not a musical setting of the Disney flick about two dogs and a cat trying to get back to their owners).

Yesterday, we had our first combined rehearsal when their group came to our regular 1:30 Monday practice time.

Next week, we will go to Bolivar (it has been strongly suggested for years that I do so) on Tuesday at 4 o'clock when they normally (as opposed to abnormally, I suppose) rehearse.

Since I haven't had a youth choir for the past few years (like the man whose mother-in-law drove his new Cadillac off a cliff .. I have mixed emotions about this), the SonShiners have sort of filled that void. They have done programs for other groups (just like the youth used to do) and they are performing (I never really liked that word .. but, hey it's a show every time we 'take the stage') a musical (again .. just like the youth used to do).

We had about fifty singers at yesterday's rehearsal (approximately 2500 years of combined choir experience) and they sounded great.

If you are anywhere within a thirty mile radius (if you live further out, just check out a movie) on July 19 (FBC, Bolivar) or July 26 (FBC, Humboldt) at six p.m., it would be well worth the trip to hear these folk sing.

They'll bless you more all over than anyplace else!

Too old to cut the mustard (what the heck does that even mean)?

No way.

"Therefore Sarah laughed within herself, saying, After I am waxed old shall I have pleasure, my lord being old also?" - Genesis 18:12

There's No Place Like Home

Cheryl returned last night (reluctantly, I might add .. she tried to hide in a cleaning closet on board the ship) from her annual seven day "sanity" cruise. This year's adventure included Key West, Belize, Honduras and the Cayman Islands.

While away, she learned to relax and became well read .. five books, I believe.

While away, I learned of ex-lax (isn't 'occasional irregularity' an oxymoron???) and became, well .. red (I'm using sunscreen from now on when mowing without a shirt .. my 'cooked shoulders' could have taken home a prize at Memphis in May).

This September we will celebrate twenty nine years of matrimonial bliss.

What's our secret?

It's a mutual love and respect for one another and a commitment to the "institution" (boy is that an appropriate word) of marriage.

Taking a week off from one another once a year doesn't hurt a bit either.

It helps "clear the head" of any thoughts of murder that might have surfaced over the past twelve months.

Welcome back to the madhouse, Cher.

Did you miss me?

"Behold, I know your thoughts and the devices which ye wrongfully imagine against me." - Job 21:27

I'm Going Ape .. Finally, a Day of Rest

Per usual there is no post today (it's Sunday) but I'll be back tomorrow. However, I do want to say Happy Father's Day to my dad.

So ...

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY .. to my dad!

"My son, hear the instruction of thy father .." 

- Proverbs 1:8a

Now THAT'S Some Kind of Hot

Another 97° day (I'm pretty sure with the humidity the heat index is like 181° or 182°) here in the Mid-South.

It's so hot ...

• The farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard-boiled eggs

• The cows are only producing evaporated milk

• The potatoes are already cooked .. underground

• The trees are whistling for the dogs

• The birds are using pot-holders to pull worms out of the ground

• You have to eat jalapeño peppers just to cool off

• You can poach an egg in the birdbath

• You can fry an egg on the hood of your car

• Ice melts in the freezer

• Your seat belt doubles as a branding iron

• The milk you bought at the store turns to cottage cheese before you can get home

• When the temperature drops below 95° you start to feel a little "chilled"

"... and the elements shall melt with fervent heat, the earth also and the works that are therein shall be burned up." - II Peter 3:10b

Sweatin' with the Oldies .. Again

The internet has been down all morning. For you early readers .. sorry.

Did you hear about the hen who wanted to impress all the barnyard animals by laying an egg in a place where it had never been done before? After much deliberation, she decided to do so on a nearby busy highway. When she told the old rooster her plans, he offered two pieces of advice. 1) Do it quickly and 2) Lay it on the line.

Today is a very busy day so I am taking the rooster's advice with this post.

Tonight at 6 o'clock the SonShiners (FBC's choir for 'seasoned singers') will be singing at Humboldt's 2009 Relay for Life at Viking Park.

I am excited about the opportunity to "do ministry" outside the walls of the church. However, I was hoping for somewhere cooler (not cool as in neat or awesome .. cool as in .. not so stinkin' hot!!) to do so.

Actually, we have sung at three nursing homes during the past several months and it had to be at least 95° degrees at each location (why do the elderly always like the room to be toasty even in the summer?). Maybe tonight's temperatures won't be too unbearable.

Oh well. When you're hot you're hot.

".. and he sat in the tent door in the heat of the day."

- Genesis 18:1b

I'm Melting .. I'm Melting

The temperatures have been relatively mild in West Tennessee so far this summer .. until now.

Yesterday it was 95° degrees outside (it was at least ninety inside at a funeral held at FBC) and over the next three days temperatures are supposed to be 96°, 97° and 94° respectively.

For a guy who entered the ministry with a vow to never break a sweat (up to this point I was doing pretty well), these are difficult days.

Some people live for summer to get here. They freeze when it approaches 50° degrees (Granny called it having 'thin blood') and when it gets down below forty they start "layering up," putting on gloves and wearing a sock cap (a bizarre combination of clothing articles .. what's next .. underwear shoes??).

I, on the other hand, love cold weather. If I lived somewhere like Minnesota or the Antarctic this might not be the case. However, since I don't live in an area were your appendages could possibly fall off due to exposure to the elements .. cold trumps hot every time.

If I didn't have to wear a coat and tie on occasion .. and pants, obviously (I'll never make that mistake again), it might not be so bad. I see people around town in shorts, a tank top and flip-flops all the time and they look so comfortable (often gross .. but still .. comfortable).

Because of my position (I enjoy sitting the most), I am expected to have a certain appearance when seen out in public. As a minister, I represent my church even on my "off days" and I wouldn't want to do anything to bring embarrassment or shame to the good people of First Baptist.

Of course, my blog does that on a daily basis.

So .. since I'm already a poor reflection of our church, if the temperature goes any higher don't be surprised if you see me at Wal-mart in nothing but swimming trunks.

Just look away (you will be forced to .. my chest is so white you'll need sunglasses) and act like you don't know me.

Cheryl does it all the time.

"And not as Moses, which put a vail over his face, that the children of Israel could not stedfastly look .."

- II Corinthians 3:13b

Kev's Klip of the Week

"A man's stomach shall be satisfied from the fruit of his mouth; From the produce of his lips he shall be filled."

- Proverbs 18:20

Don't Know Why There's No Sun Up in the Sky

The last couple of days there has been quite a bit of wind (I'm not referring to myself .. although it appears the 'Homewrecker' from Moe's was appropriately named), rain and just plain old .. bad weather. In fact, we spent about an hour in the church basement yesterday afternoon as the tornado sirens sounded off in the distance.

According to the weather people (and we all know how accurate they always are) there are more storms on the horizon for today and tomorrow.

They say that confession is good for the soul (keeping your big mouth shut causes less of a hassle, however), so I want to take this opportunity to apologize for the current weather conditions.

When Cheryl left town, she asked me to do one .. and only one .. task for her. That was to water her flowers .. water her gazillion flowers.

I am not a very patient guy.

Often, I stand in front of the microwave saying, "Let's go. Let's go. Let's go!"

If I approach a traffic light and it turns red, I immediately move to the lane with the arrow or take an alternate route that will not require me to apply the brakes.

When I go to the doctor I am not a very patient .. patient.

So, the thought of standing outside every day for an hour .. in 95% humidity .. with a water hose holds no appeal to me whatsoever.

I started several weeks ago praying that it would rain while Cheryl was gone. I know now this was selfish on my part and I am sorry if this has caused an inconvenience for farmers who needed to be in the field or parents who needed their children to go swimming and release some of that energy.

Next time, I will be more specific and pray for rain .. just inside my property line.

"The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much." - James 5:16

There Goes My Everything

Cheryl and Cyndi (her shipmate/cruise buddy) pulled out of our driveway at 4:32 a.m. yesterday morning, plenty early to catch a 727 at 7:27 from Memphis International Airport .. or so they thought.

There was a storm a brewin' (Auntie Em, Auntie Em!!) in Arkansas that hit around the time they should have been boarding their plane. Consequently, that flight was cancelled and they had to take a later one to Miami.

Since it takes an hour and a half to get to Miami from Memphis, this was going to put Cheryl's dream trip in jeopardy (Alex, I'll take Angry Woman for $300).

Fortunately, they were able to do an "OJ" (the Hertz commercial where he's running to catch a plane NOT the other thing .. though I could see that happening if Cheryl had missed out on this cruise .. she has some pent-up anger issues .. BTW, I saw OJ Simpson and Jerry Lee Lewis playing golf at a charity event in Memphis recently and I yelled out from the crowd, 'Hey Killer!' .. They both waved) through the airport and they boarded the ship with only five minutes to spare!

Cheryl looks forward to this week away .. from me .. the entire year. It is the one thing that helps keep her going from summer to summer and I am so glad she didn't "miss the boat."

Because if mama ain't happy ...

".. there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth." - Matthew 25:30b

Back Tomorrow

As usual, no Sunday post. And in case you are wondering .. no that's not me.

"And I will take away mine hand, and thou shalt see my back: but my face shall not be seen." - Exodus 33:23 

Sailing .. Takes Me Away

Cheryl will be flying from Memphis to Miami in the morning and by afternoon she should be boarding a Carnival Cruise ship for seven days of .. doing absolutely nothing (honey, you could have saved your money .. I accomplish that right here at home).

It's that time again.

Cheryl takes one week a year and tries to escape the hustle and bustle of her busy life in Humboldt (it's a pressure cooker around here) by sailing the seas.

The destination doesn't matter (every place looks the same when you are lying in a lounge chair with a book pressed against your nose). She just likes to get out of town (anywhere past Milan will do), turn off her cell phone (she used to leave it on for emergencies, but evidently I was calling too many times .. I was never good at separating laundry), read a book .. or two .. or eight (how many times do you really need to read Pride and Prejudice?) and have a nice meal .. or two .. or twenty eight.

I went on our first cruise. However, somehow I was banned from .. I believe Cheryl's words were .. "ever setting foot on a ship with me" again.

I'm not much of a "relaxer" and for some reason I make everyone else around me .. uncomfortable? .. no, that's not it .. edgy? .. no, that's not it .. miserable? .. bingo, that's the word.

One week apart helps ensure a healthier relationship and that is a small price to pay (unless you upgrade to a room with a balcony).

"He leadeth me beside the still waters." - Psalm 23:2b