I am proud to report that my aching back (see Saturday's post) no longer aches .. as much. However, I woke up this morning with a sore throat. Overuse on Sunday, drainage (phlegm at 11), and allergies are deadly combinations that have created the "perfect storm" (without the lightning, high winds, waves, and torrential rain .. of course).
At some point in time, talking about your ailments comes up (like a bad chili dog) in almost every conversation. When this occurs, you need to start getting your affairs in order.
It's a slippery slope leading to the "five stages of old age" for men.
1) Talking about your aches and pains (back, neck, shoulders, legs .. thighs, knees, and shins may be discussed as separate issues and do not have to be grouped under the general category, "legs", .. etc.,etc., etc.
2) Discussing how many pills you take each day (this is directly related to the first stage).
3) Comparing surgery scars (again, related to stage one .. and maybe two). It's kind of like "I'll show you mine, if you show me yours" for the elderly.
4) Going to McDonald's every single day for breakfast (your life expectancy is directly related to the time of your arrival .. if you are waiting for the manager to unlock the doors, call George A Smith and Sons .. TODAY)
5) Wearing the waist of your pants just slightly under your chin (often referred to as the "final stages"). Since men continue to buy the same size pants as they did when they were in high school (it's a pride thing), a choice has to be made .. under or over. When you finally go over the belly (and trust me, you will .. it's just the natural order of things), it is only a matter of time before those Sansabelts cover well over 75% of the body. Fortunately, nature (and the manager at McDonald's) will not allow the pants to go over the chin.
The saddest (and somewhat disturbing) sight in the world is an old man having to unzip his pants to take a sip of coffee.
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